my life, my rules..

A STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!!

2011-07-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

This is basically not an update of myself. This is a story when used to be best friends to become friends and then acquaintance and now total stranger which literally means, yes, no longer related with any form of ties what so ever. Pissed off? Yes I am until this very noon while I'm posting this post. Seriously I had enough of this fucker that does not even be deserve my words to call this fucker 'him' or 'her' or any sort of form to show kindness to this fucker. This fucker apparently does not understand the life or the way people are but this fucker only understand gossips and fucking gullible in listening to other people then judging it for it fuckerself. Sadly this fucker education level if much higher then I am as this fucker just graduate from Singapore Poly but what sadden me more that this fucker's english was worst them my colleage and she don't even when to a proper school. Frankly enough it's time for me to step up to this fucker and break ties once and for all and if you all read at it's scenario, I didn't have to say much. This fucker practically blabbered everything out but in the end this fucker swallow back his words like swallow back the spit that he spat on the floor and lick it back just to swallow it.

The following events have not been tormented not changed in nature of the story but characters in the story has been changed to protect the identity of this person. I'm so kind still changing their names but fuck care, that's who I am but this is the last straw. Starting tomorrow, the door to seek for my forgiveness will be closed forever until the day I die. Period. I'm not being emotional and all. I've just made my decision.

Characters:
Z - This fucking Idiot.
T - The Victim.
R - The friend with values.
P - A friend and probably still.
M - God knows what this one treats me as.

Z:Hw r u buat ape (How are you? What are you doing)

T:Inventory. [was already rushing my work and I was a pissed off not because he text me, because a lot of things to do.]

Z:Kau eh org tanye khabar n baik cuba jawab baik2 tak leh ke? Dah kawan lama pun nak perangai2.. (You eh people ask story and good try answer nicely cannot meh? Old friends also want to attitude.) [This part it broke my limiters.]

T:Z I'm busy when I text one word.I'm sorry but I'm pissed off enough..I'm tight up with work.your words sometimes unreasonable.frankly speaking.Not only from me.From all of us. [Literally from all of us meaning everyone the fucker knows.]

Z:Ya I know, u n R talk abt me, n frankly speaking R does talk abt u also, so no surprise alrite. Likeiwse u when u talk to me yrs words r unreasonable n very rude N no respect, if u wanna talk abt reasonable u must respect ppl.. So T wake up alrite I realise a long time ago I dnt need frens like u who only need frens when it do n hilang bilang dah ada (disappear tell have already). So if nak ckp org tgk diri tu dulu (want to say people look at yourself first) atleast at least I dnt waste my life jus like tat.. U think I'm not piss w u all tis years? Tats y I stay away from both of u.. Especially u.. [my words unreasonable? when and what did I say that? and what's this about me wasting my life away? What are we talking about here? His content of topic is way out. I can't believe he's a poly grad seriously. Fuck! Did he bribe to pass his dip? I'm so honored to be the most-not-to-get-closed-with people]

Z:N btw tis issue it already done n over w longtime ago... If ppl nak ckp(want to say) abt me atleast I know my flaws n I'm nt as bad ass, if P n M dah ckp mcm gitu ape nak buat kan(say like that already what to do right).. Kata org pandai but diri sendiri tak tgk(Say people clever but your ownselves didn't see). I jus ignore wat u said to me all tis years, u think I'm nt piss off w u? Dah la(Enough la) T org mcm kau ni tak perlu nak ckp la(people like you don't need to say la).. I had enough of ppl like u seriously.. A simple hi hw r u can so difficult for u instead u sms me in a way just sometimes unreasonable. Say they say here. Dah la(Enough la) T don't bother replying back I don't think it worth for me to "cherish" ppl like u.. Gd luck n take care selamat berpuasa(happy fasting)..

T:What ever.seriously. [Honestly I really didn't want to reply but my fingers just auto reply back what this fucker loves to say to people as well.]

Z:Watever yrself la..

T:What ever Z. I won't lose much even u disregard me as a friend.cuz ppl change unlike u.

Y:Haha I laughed at it sorry eh aku tak contact kau lama sgt(I didn't contact you very long) u won't c my recent status so jgn nak bebel byk sgt(don't want to blabber too much). Seriously is tat all u got to say abt me? I hv millions of issue I can put on table abt u.. Likewise me I dnt regards u as a fren way b4 u said tis. RegardllessI nv chg or chged is hw u c yrs true frens stick together. Not forget frens n comeback when u need them.. N btw talking abt chged I chg by nt layan(entertaining) u tat much... Its ironic to c ppl say ppl like tis like tat n nv chg whereelse the person itself dnt even look at his own shadow.. [Honestly this part I don't get it from the beginning of the message and only up to the ending or probably the middle I was still.... clueless.. seriously, this is what the fucker text me. And the fucker has a million issues to put on the table? Hmm.. let's start counting then if it reaches to a million. True friends stick together? Like glue? Gosh. The fucker is seriously such a lonely fucker and don't have a life. The fucker seriously so not independent and oh.. look at own shadow? Were you blinded with someone else's?]

T:Well ya. I regretted friending u.goodbye. [Literally I really do mean it. If only back then I didn't open up to this fucker. Probably this fucker will be a normal person but now, I've created a monster and goodbye was to end everything.]

Z:Lame. Friending me? ur nt a friends from like last time.. [Friends? There's two of me? Hmm.. Ya.. Not like last time.. Well fucker, like I've said, PEOPLE CHANGE and I'll add someone more to it, WE HAVE OUR OWN LIFE AND YOU ARE NOT PART OF IT.]

T:Fuck off. [In which I really mean it go away already and go fuck someone else]

Z:Fuck off, org. Bodoh je(stupid people) reply.. [...Speechless... I guess the fuckers head is seriously like a rock.. Can't absorb the words.. Or the fucker didn't get it..]

T:Literally fuck off. [Tried again and this time I mean it to 'Literally fuck off']

Z:So fuck w yrs. Inventory la.. [ 'So fuck with yours inventory la..'? What??]

S:For a poly graduate.your english is seriously fucked up.grow up already. [And I really mean it if all of you read back what this fucker type, this is what my niece or nephew would wrote!]

Z:Watever la atleast I graduated from poly nt like someone who drop out bcuz of someone oh oops should say kick out.. My dip is nt specialise in english. Lame duh so literally fuck off.. [Beginning part of the message I was furious but then turn into laughter at the end of it. LOOK!! The fucker reply 'Fuck Off'! The Fucker's really stupid! The Fucker just swallow back the fucker's own words!]
Z:So nak ckp org tgk diri tu eh(want to say people look at yourself). Atleast I tried my best to finish up my study coming from someone who said my english nt good.... [Well duh.. at least I don't fake it and I manage to be somebody through my hard work]
Z:Dah T, I dnt wanna worst it out watever u think abt me, I can't do anything abt it, likewise me.. Sorry for my words take care...

Good luck to you and to your future miserable life with the people who actually really cherish you. Have a good fucked up life for as long as you lived and I pray for you that you will really have true friends in your life(probably by then it's too late). Not someone you dump and you pick back up and then dump again and pick up again. Gosh, you sure do like to spit and swallow. Goodbye once and for all FUCKERS!

RedRulz

Let's....

2010-05-23T20:58:00.000-07:00

How should I put this..
Let it go..
Set it free..
At my own risk..
As much as I feel free..
In the end I'm in my own imprisonment of my heart..
You may see a smile spark from my face..
But at the end of the day..
I'm just that sad person always crying inside..
Always seeks happiness..
And the more I lived..
The more sadness builds around me..
So I think again..
If I can't find happiness within myself..
Let's find happiness with others..
It helps..
It does..
Feeling that comfort..
Feeling being needed..
Feeling alive..
But so happen my happiness with others..
Temporary..
Because at the end of the day..
I'm left alone again..
So again I think..
Thinking hard..
Let's find happiness in others..
It helps me too..
Happiness in others are happiness to me as well..
And with that..
I lived again..
But note this..
I'm still a sad person..
When I'm alone..
Always crying inside..
Always in the dark shadows..
With no lights..
No sunshine..
No rainbows..
No colours..
Just black..
Just white..
And all I asked for is..
Some colours..
Red..
Green..
Blue..
Anything..
I need to paint my picture..
Brightly again..
So please..
Help me..
Stay with me..
So please..
Understand me..
So...
Let's....

24th May 2010, 12:15pm
RedRulz

My heart speaks again..

2010-05-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

How I've longed to see you again
And I'm glad we finally did
Reminiscing about the past
Sure it was fun
Seeing each other laugh again
Seems like nothing have change
We're still together
But I accept the fact
You're someone else
And I'm someone else
Two separate worlds
Two separate person
We chose our own path
Now we're walking through it
Your life now aren't the same
So is mine
But sure we shared a common thing
We need a friend
So I thank you for being there
I thank you for the time
I wish there some thing more we could do
But I guess we couldn't
Seems so right but it's wrong
Seems so wrong but it feels right
Contradiction that's me
Complicated that's me
I don't want to lose you
I need to let you go
But I need you
Standing by my side
As my friend
Hope you understand
So forgive me friend
Because this feelings will never end
So let us be
So stay with me

3rd May 2010,11:47AM,Monday

RedRulz

My heart speaks..

2010-05-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

To someone very dear to me..

I live here on my knees
as I try to make you see
that you're everything I think
I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe
though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that
I still know is that
you're keeping me down
You're on to me
and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

2nd May 2010, 11:40am, Sunday
RedRulz

The peak of my suffering..

2009-05-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

Time.

That's something I don't have much.
Time, it's something I've wasted so much.
Time, it's something is precious to everyone.
Time, it's something I believe I'm running out of.

My heart pounding harder nowadays.
My brain feels dead.
My body feels light and heavy at the same time.
I feel tired all the time.

Is it time?
For me?
Is it a sign?
Or is it a warning?
I don't know.
What's wrong with me?

I can't sleep at night.
At times when I'm suppose to be sleeping, I'm walking.
I'm watching.
I'm typing.
I'm talking.
I'm playing.
But never sleep.

5 hours a day.
Am I destroying myself?
Or am I becoming Insomniac?
Why am I this way?
Why didn't I just go to sleep?
Why do I keep myself awake?
And why the short hours?
Was it because I'm scared to dream?

I'm the Dreamer.
The dreams that I dream came true.
Am I starting to fear my own dreams?
Probably?
Or I just want myself to suffer?
I don't know what do I want anymore.
Seems to me my life is pointless.

Pressured.
Something I'm not good at handling.
Feels like giving up.
Am I giving up now?
Of the things I've been fighting for?
My own happiness.
My own peace.
My own love.
My love.

Tears.
Why do they come out when I wanted to give up my life?
Do I feel regrets?
Am I scared of the pain?
Or I was thinking of the people that will mourn for me?
My friends.
My family.
My loved ones.
Yes.
I suppose so.

So I must live on.
I need to see this chapter through.
I need to stay strong.
I need to be strong.
For my love one.
For my future.
For the sake of our future.
I need to know how the story continues.
And hopefully, it'll take to the end of my last breathe.
I love you.
So please stay with me.

I'm sorry.
I'm so into you.
I need you.
So please, stay with me.
I promise, I'm staying with you.
No matter what happens, I'll always love you.
Nothing can change my mind.
No one can change my mind but you.
As right now, I'm yours to command.
Call me crazy.
I am.
Crazy about you.

Together we are unstoppable.
Together we'll supporting one another.
In our ups and down.
We'll go through it all.
Together, we can accomplish anything.
And together, we are complete as one.
I love you.

25th May 2009, 9.50pm.
RedRulz

Forgive me...

2009-04-03T12:01:00.000-07:00

I wish to live happy but sadness is what I got.
I wish to love somebody but in the end hating myself more.
I wish to live with someone but ended up they left me alone.
I just want to make them happy but I suffered instead.
What am I to this world?

Why life ain't happy always?
Why can't life be always full of laughter?
Why can't I enjoy all those?
Why do someone I love have to go?
Why did they choose that path?
How can they be so blind?

My life and theirs lived differently.
We both being brought up differently.
But I believe we both need someone to lean on.
So why can't they lean on to me?
Why do they always thinks they found a way but still doing the problems?
Was it all reasons or was it all fake?
Either way none solve their problems at all.

Why was I so blind?
Why didn't I see these coming?
Why am I being given this gift?
Why am I a dreamer?
Dreams that I have are opposite to the real world.
God, why did you gave me this gift?

Why only I feel this pain?
Why can't they feel what I feel?
Why can't normal people help me?
Why can't I be happy as them?
Why am I suffering?
Why?

Why do people loves to take the easy way out?
Why can't they face the real fact?
Why can't they be normal?
Why can't they changed?
Why do people love to abuse themselves?
Why do they take risk of getting themselves in trouble?
Why do they do stupid things, knowing they are harming their body?

God, why do people do all these things?
Why do people invent such horrible apparatus?
Why they kept shooting their veins until it can't be seen?
Why do people play with these things?
Why can't they be more into becoming someone useful?
Why do they keep doing it knowing it's not even helping them to think?
God why do they do the things they do?
Why did you even create such thing in this world?
Why?

Suffering. Despair. Regrets. Hate. Anger. Sorrow. Fear.
Was that the reason?
Was this why people do what they do?
Is that really the easy way out?

NO!
I don't believe that!
You're just hurting yourselves more.
More SUFFERING!
More DESPAIR!
More REGRETS!
More HATE!
More ANGER!
More SORROW!
More FEAR!
It's not helping.
It's destroying you.
It's killing you.

Helping a man to earn a living?
Hah!
By getting yourself in trouble?
How honorable is that?
STUPID!
Not such a smart answer for a smart person.

I need to kill.
I need to kill someone.
I need to kill someone badly.
Yes.
Yes I'm insane.
Living in this world brings about my insanity that I need to kill someone.

Blood.
Let me see blood.
Let me.
Die.
..
.
.
.
.

Dear god,
Forgive me for what I've sinned.
Forgive those who have sinned to me.
Forgive all those people who have sinned to you.
For they are only human.
For they are your creations.
Please.
Bring them back to the light.
Let them be free from the black hole.
Give them hope to live again.
Set them free from misery for as I will bear that burden.

For all I know.
.
.
.
I'm just a sacrifice.
.
.
.

Take my life.
Let me leave this world.
For I can no longer bear to see.
Killing for the sake to killing.
Stealing for the sake of abusing.
Robbing for the sake of thrilling.
Lying for the sake of gaining trust.

I can't live in this world anymore.
Too much suffering I've felt.
A quarter of a century of my life is enough.
No more.

No.
I can't leave.
For my love one will be much more despair if I leave.
Hate.
Regrets.
Anger.
Sorrow.
Fear.

So tell me now.
What should I do?
Please.
Show me the way.
Guide me.
Help.

I need help.
I'm suffering.
Please.
Help..

4th April 2009, 3.37AM
RedRulz

What a start of 2009..

2009-02-03T05:47:00.000-08:00

Again I apologized for the late update. Still it won't be about bitching something or about someone. Well someone maybe and probably it would be about me and everyone alike.

Feeling like shit and all, the beginning of 2009 is seriously fucked up. For those who are going to read further I give you in advance apologies, the word "fuck" will be frequently used in this entry because I'm pissed off with my fucked up life in the start of 2009.

So where shall I begin, first and for most, I am still in that new chapter of my life that I started about six months ago. It has been a bliss but now it's turning a bit of thunder storm and huge waves and earthquakes here and there. First fucked up life I'm having. I don't blame my partner because I know it's all my fault and I'm causing my partner to stressed up. I guess it is that time of the period where I turn to get curious and getting to find out more and then assumptions starts and fingers start to point. I guess I'm hell of a guy who always wants to put blames on everyone like as if they owe me my life. Fucking shit. I can't believe I'm turning to that type of person. What a fucked up person I am. Baby, if you're reading this I apologize for everything I've done. I'm really sorry. I guess it my doing and blaming on you and doubting you and not trusting you is causing the second fucked up of my life.

Yeah, the second, my fucking wallet that I bought for myself with my own hardworking fucking money is missing and what goes along with it is, my identification card, my army identification card, my SAFRA card, my Golden Village card, my Coffee Bean card, my vintage notes of $2, $5 and $10, my Get-A-Life card and loads of other cards that went missing. Fucking pissed off. Fuck sia, that wallet as I recalled only contain like $20 most with my vintage notes, fucking have the courtesy of at least returning my stuff and my wallet if you want my money. Fuck sia. To which fucking idiot son of a bitch mother found my wallet and didn't even have a courtesy to return it to me as my identification card have my home address, I curse you for life and 10 generation of debts until the 11th generation of your sons turns gay and screw your own family blood related male.

Lastly, the third fucked up of my life that happens today, $100 bill note went missing in my temporary wallet. Great. Just fucking great. Which ever fucking mother of a son found that money must be one fuckable guy.

I think the year 2009 for me is cursed, already the whole world is going crazy with wars and recession and political issues and stuff, fuck, I keep losing my money like they are dust blowed away by the wind. Goodness what FUCK did I do wrong in the beginning of my life in 2009. What a nice chapter to open. Fucked up life if RedRulz in 2009 the prequel. Goodness I feel like killing myself right now. One after another and I wonder when will it ends.

Screwed. When I try to be nice, shit happens. When I try to be kind, shit happens. When I am being honest, shit happens. Fuck! Is that how the world repay me?

Fine, it's not the world, it's me being careless and stupid. Yes. The stupidity of RedRulz Chapter 1. Fuck.

Fine. No more mister nice guy. No more smiles. No more sunshine. No more rainbows. This time I play it my way. Next time I find a phone, I'll keep it. Next time I found an identification card, I'll break it. Next time I found a master card, I'll spent it like no one business and the next time someone needs help, screw you..

3rd February 2009, 10:22PM
RedRulz

Finally..

2008-10-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Alright, screw introduction and I'll just go straight to the point.

Bangkok trip was great and we are going there again but lately I feel like I want to cancel my trip. I don't know why but it just had me thinking, I could have put that money for other good use. Regrettably, the tickets had been booked on the second day we've returned back to Singapore. Crazy I know. Without long thoughts we decided to just go. Well maybe they need not the long thoughts, I was the one who needed that long thoughts and my final decision is that I don't feel like going but since we've already booked things and stuff, I guess I have no choice but go with the flow.

Right now I'm working back in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Yeah like what the fuck am I working there again. Screw it. A job is better than having no job. Still suck la as I'm only earning below 1k. Haha. Yeah that's my target to bring back at least 1k each month but I still got long way to go. Nope I'm not a manager but just a small peanut barista. Haha. Oh in this case small coffee bean. Been working there for one month and a week. Kinda suck and feel over worked sometimes. Screw it as I'm a pantry maid. Fuck. Feel like a bitch/slut behind the gormet counter. What a story to tell my future children and grandchildren. The best suckiest thing is that since I'm nice to them, I feel like being stepped everytime. Screw it, that's me. A sole padding.

About a day back in bangkok or was it two days, I've open a new chapter. Yeah. No one special but I guess this one is special because we've known each other through the net for almost 3-4 years and only that day I decided to meet up. Well this chapter is going slow but as usual, paranoid and freaks and psychotic mind are coming back at the same time. Not to forget suspicion and assumption always occurs in my head and I don't like it when I'm right. Argh screw it. How I wish a brain bank exist so I can find a brain that doesn't have these characteristic so I can live and die happily.

So now we know what's in my mind and how fucking shitty I've been feeling for the past two month since my last update talking about government money and shits. Now it's my life my rules. Fucking-shit-pissed-off-screw-your-dad's-ass. I so need to drugged myself with lots of chill pill so I can overdose and stuck at Hougang Chalet. Sure that's will be my sanctuary big time. Haha.

Well right now what keeps my mind relax is this song. The information I've got from my manager, who is a Filipino by the way, this band is from the Philippines. Great lyrics and nice chilling tunes. Feel sad at first listening to the song but the lyrics is more than that. It's the kind of song where it motivates you to move on and go on with your life and there's no point in looking down. Just hold your head up high.

So enjoy the song, RedRulz is back. Sorry for the Silence all these while. I'll try to fill in more soon. I'll see ya when I see ya.

8th October 2008, 11:55 AM
RedRulz

Money Money Money.. Bangkok!!

2008-08-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

Time has come for me to depart from Singapore. Haha. How corny that sounds? Well seems like finally I can put my mind at ease. No matter whether it's business or pleasure, going overseas never fails to relax me. Almost feel like teleporting into another world in another dimension (even though it's the same Earth I'm on).

Sometimes this wonders me that when I was in the army, I was so happy going to Pulau Tekong. I mean it's like hell for most of them but booking in never fails to make me happy. Maybe as long as I'm traveling overseas and it takes like 30-45 minutes journey it makes me happy. Sentosa not included. Come on, you could walk your way there. That's boring. No longer consider overseas in the case.

I guess this is the result of the standard of living in Singapore. Maybe we feel pressured and depress over inflation and all the hike in prices. Now lots of shops are like buying from either Malaysia, Indonesia or Thailand products and sold in Singapore in order to get more profits in order to survive.

No wonder now not many Singaporeans who are married either have one or two child only and special cases, none. Even having a child means money. First, when your wife is pregnant, get what ever she wants. Specific food, specific location and only a specific ways. Need to be pampered and cared. Attention. Go for check up appointment. Now this alone, petrol money (if you're driving), transportation money (those go green people taking public transport), food money, extra service charges (if it happens going to be in a restaurant) and other miscellaneous things (snacks, ice cream, drinks, toilet breaks, etc..) .

That's the first, the second part. Hospital bills. Once that baby pops out all your hard earn money like from 5k you save just gone in and instant. That's if your wife isn't choosy. What happen if she wants first class, private room, only family members allowed to be in the room other than doctors and nurses. Now that is going to cost a BOMB!

After that milk powder, diapers, baby soap and powders their tiny yet cute clothings, stroller, cradle, toys and all those sort of stuff. Gosh it's never ending. Now that is another BOMB!

Not forgetting, having a baby is not the only problem you have to settle, utility bills, phone bills, your own groceries and credit card bills and more never ending bills. Gosh, it's insane I tell you and now the government want us to create more babies? Haha. By giving a scheme of baby bonus and bla bla bla bla and all they give is like a one time figure, so what?

As normal as it looks, being Singaporean, many will really fall for it if they don't really think far. As much as the figures looks good, serious couple would have to look further and deeper before they would even want to have a child.

Take it for an example. They are giving about 7500 to last 2 years for your first and second new born child. 7500 for two years.. Hmm... Then about 14800 for two years for your third and fourth child.. Hmm... All looks good but one thing, how about they give a little extra on the hospital bills? Think about it.

Don't think I want to go far to the extend from age 1 - 6. You could look for yourself at this link.

So this is my advice to all Singaporeans, as much as the figures looks good. Think of the present and the future state you are at. I'm not saying the government is tricking us with their scheme (though I did sound like that in the beginning) it's just that look over your financial first before even taking the risk. Take it this way, if you can do and handle the above situation with ease of handling the bills without the help of the baby bonus, then I guess you can happily have that happiness. If not, better don't, unless you want to look at your baby as a burden. (gosh, that is totally sick minded of me.)

Take care peeps, going to get ready for Bangkok. I'm so not ready and can't believe the day have finally arrive. I'll have fun and be sure to hog longer to my blog when I come back. Hopefully I have the energy to blog about my outings and lots of pictures too. Haha. I see ya when I see ya.

(Damn schedule thingie, I wrote this at 22.08.2008 8:48PM)

RedRulz

First Step..

2008-08-18T02:06:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that as time goes by, it seems like I've been updating lesser and lesser each month and not mentioning things that I've shouldn't be talking about. For example, my life. Haha! Then again, it is about my life and my rules so why should I give a damn about it if I ever want to talk about my life or whomsoever life that is.

So here I go again. It's been boring for the past few weeks not until now. Later today dated 18 August 2008 around afternoon hopefully after lunch I'll be going to an interview, like finally after like 8 bloody lame months. Well it's a job I've been thinking of going back. No not whoring. Not that I did before like EXCUSE me!

Let's just say it's my first real job in my life. Yeah. Coffee bean here I come. RedRulz gonna whip those cream.. Lame I know.. Hopefully the interview goes well and yes my dear Shewy if you're reading this, I'll serve you F.O.C. pasta if you ever visit my outlet. That is if I'm the only manager around. Haha.

Other than that nothing else troubling me just that I still feel trap like as if I'm being pinned down to the ground and being choked at the same time. It's like pilling up one by one, day by day. Luckily some part of me is still the same and should I say still sane.

As years goes by people change and people move on to another step and to another chapter in their lives. Like move on to better jobs to get a better pay, or pursuing a diploma or a degree to upgrade yourself for backup plans if something ever goes wrong, or getting married building a family to call your own and have kids and see them grow up and leading them to be a better person and all those really looks great.

As always there's always a but in what ever I say. But, will that happen to me in the near future? This year alone, two of my secondary school friends is already married. The dearest Mr. Hunk and the Ms. Smart that always tilt her head side ways when she's angry.

Looking at the current age now, I'm already 24 and so are they. Next year another two of my secondary school friends getting married too and it's kind of freaky seeing people move on with their life and I'm still stuck being me which always linger in the past and not moving forward.

I'm still stuck being just an 'O' level holder with 4 credits. A diploma dropout. No other skills. Not even a basic of formatting of a simple resume. Haha. I got to admit that yes I do learn about it but I totally forgot about it since I've only done it like, once in my poly years. Damn poly, I was so really determine to go back and I wasn't accepted.

Diploma first, now my family is bugging me to learn how to drive. When I told my family that I'm scared about driving because in my dream, I often dream that I'll have accident driving it. They will normally comfort me saying it's just a dream and normally it's always happen the opposite ways. So to make it simple the more accidents you dream, the safer your road will be. (Right..)

When I told my friends about my fears, they say then you shouldn't force yourself to take it if you have no confidence. Hmmm... Seems like I don't have support from my own friends. As much as I want them to say the same thing like how my family says, I guess I was wrong. So first battle between Family Vs Friends, 1 Family - 0 Friends. So I guess I'll take my driving license and yes my beloved Shewy and 2tie, we'll go to East Coast for dinner and yes I'll drive you guys around. Petrol is on you guys. Haha!

Hmmm.. Something struck me, I've been dreaming mostly are car crashes. So opposite is normally something smaller right? That means if I were to take a bike I'll experience the accidents? Hmm.. Bright side, bright side, they are just dreams.

So now what's troubling me? What's pinning me down to the ground and choking me at the same time making me difficult to breathe? Well, how do I juggle all of them?

1) Work

2) Oh I forgot to mention that next year I'm taking MDIS Information Technology that if I get the manager position at Coffee Bean.

3) Driving License.

4) Personal Family Affairs. (Yes, even a happy go lucky guy have internal family problems..)

So that just sums up everything.

But these are not the interesting thing that is about to happen. The interesting ones are the BANGKOK trip!! Yes, as from today it's like 4 days left!! Oh My Gawd! I love trips because trips means I'm free! Free from worries and burdens and it's like leaving everything behind and just bring yourself and PARTAY!! Yeah once you've come back from your holidays then you worried about it. Haha.

This Bangkok trip will be the first time ever with my close friends. Will be different from my Brunei and Taiwan trips because it's like with the army. Haha. Anyways, the suckiest part of this trip is that news have been reporting that there's a huge storm that is going to hit Bangkok between now and end of next month. HOW NICE! (that is what my Eagle Company of platoon 3 would say)

Yeah, strong winds, heavy rains and big waves like 4-5 meters high. Great,just great.Anyway I think this will be fun. I love strong winds and cold weather. So maybe it ain't that bad eh? At least if I were to die, I die happy. Right? Haha. Well what ever it is, hopefully the storm will not happen at all. Not this month not even next since it's the fasting month. Hopefully God is merciful to all of us.

Well then I better get going to rest as I got lots to talk about with the ADM. Haiz. I hope all goes well. Wish me luck.

RedRulz.

Killer....

2008-07-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

As much as I wish I'm dead, well I'm still alive. Nope, I didn't tried to jump off the AYE fly-over yet. Not that I have the courage to do so but it's just that I feel I have something else more worth of doing then thinking of the faster way to die. Yeah, something keeps me pinned down to Earth so I keep on living and try to do what's best.

Haha. Sounds ludicrous right? I guess so.

But there's something in my mind keeps bothering me. I don't know if I ever going to be a criminal or ever going to appear in the newspaper front page with my face on it and the headlines written in bold and big fonts saying,"Unforgivable Serial Killer."

I don't know why, I just have this feeling like how is it feels like to kill someone? What will my reaction be when I kill someone? What will I do after I kill that someone?

These question keeps popping out of my mind like as if some bug have infested my brain poisoning with all these killing thoughts. Sometimes I would even think how much blood would ooze out once I stab them in the stomach or the chest or maybe the head.

Would a kitchen knife would be strong enough to go through a thick skull? Or would it get stuck and then blood gushes out spraying like a sprinkler on the backyard or would it be like water leaking out slowly from a lose pipe?

I had no idea why but lately I have this desire to kill someone. Not because I hate that someone or what but just random. Yeah. Have I gone mad? No. Just curious but my desire of killing someone doesn't really exceed to the extend that I would choose my target, stalking them and recording everything they do and then when I found a loophole for me to kill them I make my move.

Well, I suppose. Since I plan that out in an instant it does make a good plan. Haha. I think I've really gone mad. Or maybe these movies that I've been watching just makes me have this urge to kill someone. Either when I'm angry or just plain curious.

Maybe I should go to the police or probably a Psychiatrist. I don't know why. Sometimes when I look at someone, I just keep thinking how would he/she would react when I kill them. Their expression on their faces. Would they cry in pain? Panic? Scream when they saw blood gushing out? (Just a little bit side track, a friend of mine used to be afraid of blood. His own blood that is. He would feel giddy or maybe I suppose fainted when see his own blood. So imagine if I stab someone who have phobia of his own blood and see lots of blood coming out of his body, would he faint and not scream or he forgotten to scream in pain because of the overwhelming frighten of his own blood? Curious eh?)

Gosh, I've got to do something. Yeah, kill someone. In my dreams. Haha. Well not that I didn't do it before. In my dreams. Yeah I really did in my dreams. I pointed a gun or revolver or what ever it is in my hand (could be a pepper spray) pointed at a guy and shot him. The only sad part was that when I shot him, he disappeared from my sight. Not magically, I turn away. Haha.

Criminal minds. Freaky aren't they. Sometimes people aren't born criminals but happen to be a criminal tragically. So here comes the question,"What are they thinking when they are executing the crime? What is going on in their mind? Was it because of their desire so strong to achieve it in a bad way that it clouded their doubts to even worry of the consequences? Or was it that plain fun to them to do such things?"

I could add up more question but it leaves me to more question and no answers. Well actually there is answers but why in killing someone to be a solution? Take it if it's not a robbery or hijack but killing randomly without reasons. Why is that? Sometimes I wonder if my feeling of killing someone would lead me to become a random serial killer with no reasons but the curiosity of seeing blood flowing of a human body. Maybe I should be a doctor and work in the Operating Theater. Haha.

But again I would answer, it's not the same. Cutting a human body from the state of unconsciousness is different from someone who's conscious. Difference? One is sleeping soundly unaware of what's going on so when the skin is being cut on a numb skin by the what ever thing they use to make it numb no increase of blood pressure or screamed of pain or blood gushing out like a sprinkler. On the other hand, a conscious person would panic and scream in pain and the increasing rate of blood pressure will cause the blood gushing out like a sprinkler. Haha. Sadistic aren't I?

Remember Hannibal? Sometimes I also feel how is it.. Well you know, the taste of a brain. Human brain. I still remember those images. That an opened human skull and he's still conscious. His brain was being cut and cooked, fried I suppose and I do wonder how would it taste like since it looks soft. Must have been like MnMs. Melt in your mouth not in your hands but in this case the taste isn't candy chocolate.

Haha. I don't know what's going on in my head. Anyway it's not just recently I've felt this way, been a long time. Just that this year, it's stronger. Not to worry, I'm still sane. I won't do it these things. As curious I would get but I don't think I've broke the limitation of my insanity yet. Just don't make me insane. You don't want to be the first in my list. Well, make that second. I think I got my first. If he breech the limits.

RedRulz

Beautiful day..

2008-05-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

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A wish come true. I guess it was more like after few years. Haha. Not that I asked for it every year but I think two years ago. For a day to have grey sky, cold wind and beautiful sky in the night. Yep, that day was yesterday.

Most of you all know, yesterday I turn 24. Yeah, old man. already two cycles completed. Haha. You know, every 12 years is where your peak moments. Like when you were 12 you were taking your PSLE where is your first step to teenage hood. Now at 24 is where you suppose to choose your life what and how you want to live. Being carefree and simple minded, I still don't bother about that.

Still it's not like I'm slacking and not working. I do. Part time. Still in the 'play mode' kind of work. Not a serious one. People keep asking me what do I want to do what interests me, I replied, no idea. Haha. If you ask me what I like to do, sleeping. Haha. What I'm interested to do, hmmm, that's a tough one because there's a lot. Video games, animation, sounds and musics, cooking and still lots of others just that I can't remember them now.

Still if I just can't decided what to become, I guess then it'll be easy for you to spot me at one of the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf outlet. I might just be a manager there. Don't ask for free drinks! Just kidding.

Anyway I would like to thank all my friends who wished to me yesterday on my birthday. I know this blog shows it's on 29th May 2008 but today is really the 30th May 2008 today. I don't know what's wrong with the system it kinda sucky that the website timing is different from our own timing in Singapore. Yes my birthday falls on 29th May every year as long as I live. I know it's not that easy to remember as I also sometimes don't remember your birthday mixing up with someone else's birthday.

I still remember Ririn wish me 2 months earlier. Haha. Seriously she message me,"RedRulz Happy 22nd(I think) Birthday!!" Then I replied,"Like 2 months in advance?" Haha. That was really a good laugh. I can't really remember which year it was but sure it's a memory I'll have for a very long time. What do I do without you Ririn. My days will be so boring. Haha.

Yesterday some of my friends meet me up to have a so called small party dinner with me. Right after I watch The Chronicles of Narnia, The Prince Caspian with my two nieces I met them after that. My secondary school mate that is. They treat me to Swensens at Holland Village. Sad though that we didn't get to eat the ice cream as the service was terribly slow. Either they were shortage of staff or it's just too jammed packed. My friend lost patience and we decided to cancel off our ice cream order. Sad but what to do but I do pity the manager, guess she did had lots of trouble that day. Hopefully she gets to peace her mind.

So yesterday wasn't bad at all. Pretty much is what I wanted. Cooling day and beautiful night sky. Which reminds me, exactly at 12.40am on 29th May 2008 as I was walking to the new park beside Jurong Point, that was the most stars I've seen in my neighborhood. The sky was really clear and I could see lots of them. The beauty of nature, not many appreciate it.

I've just look outside the window and something struck me again but then again, I think I just let it pass, I won't blog about it. I'll just let it go. I guess in time, I'll be better. Anyway to those who haven't wish me birthday or you thought it was too late, well you still can. All because I was born at 6.50pm so you still got time until 6.49pm today. As in 30th May 2008.

So once again thank you for the wishes and I'll see ya when I see ya.

Something to add. Being alone on your birthday , it's not that bad. It just let you have more time to think of what you want to do in life. Keep that in mind.

RedRulz

Look out your window..

2008-05-28T20:58:00.001-07:00

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Hmm.. What shall I blog about today's posting? I know it has been like 24 days right after I post about my regrets, my past and other stuff but as much as I would like to do interesting post it just goes away and I'll be talking more on life, my life and future.

Irritating isn't it? I mean when sometimes you feel like it's a good thing to talk about and you have all the ideas and stuff but once you've reached home, it just went down the drain and you totally forgot about it. What I always have, Short Term Memory. Guess the older you get, the more forgetful you'll become but I believe in my case, distracted.

Well I guess I have no choice then, been thinking about this topic for a very long time. Well let's say it had been in my mind since the first time I started this blog. Well it's still going to be about life but this is pretty interesting to me though. Because as someone who always type his stuff, playing his game, chatting with friends and other duties as well on the computer, thinking about life have never been less interesting in my thoughts.

So before I start, let my ask you. Where is your computer located at? Living room? Bed room? Kitchen? Toilet?(I hope that's a water proof computer you're having) Well, where exactly it's being placed? On your bed? On the computer table? In the middle of the room? Still I guess the most important question of all, what floor are you staying on?

As for me, at my own home, my computer is in my dad's room and I stayed on the second floor just the room is on the third floor and it's placed right beside the window. Through the window I can see the next flats which shows the kitchen of the next flats and lots of time I could see the elderly either drying laundry or staring at the sky and I totally had no idea why.

Right now I'm staying with my sister and now I stay on the fourth floor and the computer is placed in the living room and again it's beside the window. Well this time it's a huge window and you can see a lot and again it's the kitchen I see but this time I can't really see if anyone is doing laundry. Yeah I know what you are thinking. Is RedRulz fetish about who's doing the laundry or RedRulz must have been wanting to steal the undergarments? Right. You hit the jackpot. In HELL. No way. That's like eww..

So let's come to my point. About life. When the first time I saw the elderly doing the laundry it make me think, what happen to her son or daughter? How come no one is helping them? So I stop and think for the various reasons that could come up with. If I were to be optimistic they are at work. If I were to be pessimistic I would say they left them there alone after got married and better jobs. So then again even if they really at work, don't you feel that your parents should rest and not do too much household chores? I mean they have been taking care of you since you're a baby and now your a grown man and woman, don't you think you should do it yourself?

I mean pretty much, is that how you would expect them to do when they got older? What happen if there's accident while they were doing those chores? They aren't getting any stronger by the minute. Even if they say they are fine, at least help them or tell them you can manage to do it on your own. For goodness sake you're a grown person now. Well my point is that don't stressed up your parents doing those jobs anymore, it's just not fair especially when you're still young and can manage those jobs. Come on. It's your clothes your wearing, you should clean up your own mess not them.

Still laundry was not the only thing I thought about. As normal I would get, I always pun myself in their shoes. When I'm 50, will I be like them? Ok maybe not 50, like my parents both retired at the age of 60, so would I be like them? Cleaning up and be like a 'maid' for my kids when I'm not working? I mean by that age I won't be as strong as I used to be. Maybe lifting 10kgs of rice is no longer easy for me I might need to use a trolley, bending over to pick up something for the floor is no longer easy too as it could hurt my back. So then again, would that be a life I want to have while waiting for the angel of death to claim my soul? I don't think so.

I rather concentrate on my prayers 5 times a day, reciting the Quraan after each prayers and rest when I need to. Yep. No work. No household chores. Come on think about it. You've been living stressed up for the past let's say your peak period is about from 28 to 52 that's full 24 years of stressed level of working your ass off trying to get pay raise, take care of your babies, doing household chores, make sure you have food on the table and bills to pay not forgetting the debts you have to clear. Don't you think you deserve better living after that?

Just imagine right after you've reach the same age as your parents and before that you've never even done once in your life doing laundry and when your sons and daughters expect you to do it, now that is what I called karma. Yeah, people would say, don't be ridiculous, I won't be living that way, I'll hired a maid. Right, that is one of the way, if you have the money. What if by the time you retire the money you have is not even enough for the rest of your life and only God knows for how long more you're living?

See this is what I mean, as the technologies advances and more services could help our standard of living, we take simple things as doing our own household chores for granted knowing we could always hired someone to do it. Especially maids agencies nowadays is available almost anywhere. Especially at Bukit Timah Shopping Centre, right Ririn?

So who am I getting at? I'll spell out in caps and dashes, S-P-O-I-L-T-B-R-A-T. Kids nowadays don't do things by themselves lately. They go to school with their parents sent them to school carrying their bags. Best thing of all, they need air-cons not fans, they rather take the bus even it's just a 15 minutes walk, they rather eat in restaurant then eating at the hawker centre just because hawker centre doesn't provide air-con services.

How I wish that I could sent them off for a simple-life training. I guess then it would make myself at ease. Well seriously I'm not targeting at kids as in primary school students, but secondary and above. I know. If even by tertiary level and you still act like the world owes you, I'm so going to be a serial killer instantly. Kidding.

Even if you're not a kid anymore maybe a working person, have the courtesy of at least lighten their burden. You asked me? Well I'm blessed with good wealth that my family could afford maids but it wasn't to take care of my parents, well that's just too personal to talk about maybe as and when I feel or have the courage I could talk about it. Maybe. So how could you lighten their burden? Do your own laundry in the morning once you've awake if you can afford it, hire a maid. If you hired a maid, do treat them good. I'll talk about that matter some other time.

So I leave it to your thoughts about what you want to achieve when you've reach the age of 60. Me you ask, I've already said it but anyways, I've already said in the previous blog too.

"I don't want to live more than the age of 34. I have my reasons."

So if you want to think about life easily, place your computer beside the window and look outside of it. Definitely something will trigger you. If outside your windows are trees and more trees, gosh, are you living in the jungle? Haha. Well I'll talk about that some other time.

RedRulz.

Hurts.. Take Me Away..

2008-05-04T04:31:00.000-07:00

Have you guys ever thinks that sometimes noticing some thing that is so peculiar keeps popping out right in front of you suppose to mean something? Like a favorite song of yours keeps playing on the radio on three different stations that you happen to change on different timings that they happen to play your song, do you ever feels that it means something?

I know I feel it all the time. That the things that happening around me suppose to be a message that is telling me that either it's good or bad. For an example, if I ever to listen to the radio and every time I hear "Don't Speak" by No Doubt is being played on the air, means I'm going to have a sad week or month as either relationships going bad or sad memories will be remembered.

If I were in the bus and I noticed that only a handful of guys in the bus and lots of ladies in the bus means that I'm going to have one of a hectic day and if it's the opposite instead it's going the best day ever.

I know it's kinda weird but it is true that I do notice these kind of things almost every time. It would never be like if I were to wear red color means it's my lucky day if I wear black I'm going to be unfortunate.

Anyways that's not the point of why suddenly I decided to update this fast within a week. It's more of a heart matter and funny that it still hurts reminiscing of my past love.

Been over two years and remembering it just kills me. Either because the love still exist within me or I just feel like I would love to try for another go. I told my friend that I still remember that moment and seriously it was the best. Nope. Not the sexual way because it was more, innocent. Yes I would define it as a decent and innocent relationship as we've never even touch each other.

Was something that feels so pure that good? I don't know. It's almost as if like you feel respected that I will wait for the right moment to happen kind of thing but sadly it didn't happen. Lucky or unlucky? Either thoughts, no one's loss but just sad it didn't go as far as I would had expected.

Earlier I watch this malay movie titled "Suara Kasih" I think. Acted by Fauziah Ahmad Daud, and my sister and her husband says that it was a true story of her with her first love.

It was really sad having to lose someone just because of the 'ranking' factor because of family wealth involve. I totally hate that kind of person who look down on someone who's no one special but just normal people without having to know the person well. Hell do that think that they are special because they have wealth? Sure it's good to have them but love and money doesn't suits each other.

I really feel sad watching that story. Good thing I wasn't alone while I was watching it. If I did, I can bet you I'll be needing a pillow and lots of tissue papers. Haha. (emo bastard, can't help it.) Not only because I'm emotional, I did lost someone whom I can't even compete with. Nope not ranking, this is more of a religious side. Well I moved on from that.

Anyways I just don't know why I feel very hurt after watching that. Was it because I felt her pain or was it because the pain was remembered? Yes and this time I'll say it but I won't do it. I would love to go to a high place right now and just jump down freely into hell.

Sometimes I do question myself, why do happiness coexist with sadness? Why do pleasure coexist with pain? I mean why do we have to go through all the ups and downs at the same time? Why can't everyone just be happy and problem free? Which brings to why do problems always arise small but the solutions are always difficult to solve?

Was that you called life? I guess so. So to those people who don't gain hardships and torture means they have no life? I don't know. Maybe life means something else or more than just hardships. Up until now no one knows the meaning of life. To be breathing and walking and seeing the people you treasure most, I guess that fits more of the meaning of being alive. Haha.

As optimistic I could get, maybe hardships are the process of living and part of the meaning of life. Maybe the meaning of life is to experience the good and the bad things in this world and have faith with your Creator praying to Him that one day you will be bless by Him in life and hereafter.

I guess you could use that for the meaning of life. Anyways as we all know, we don't live in this world forever. We will die one day. Maybe I could die right after I post this blog no one knows. We don't set the future but we plan it, it's all up to Him to decide.

Am I being religious right now? Well, not really, but deep in my heart, I do have faith.

The next thing I'm going to say is seriously what I want and it's not a joke. I don't want to live more than 34 years.

Why?

I have my reasons.

RedRulz.

Regrets, Confusions, Life...

2008-05-02T04:04:00.000-07:00

Even before reading what's coming up next, I got myself confuse reading the text I just wrote below. So to save up your time since WE are dying with every breath we take, don't read it if you think reading about someone's life is boring or maybe because of what I write is nonsense or doesn't make sense but either way just put they little effort by clicking the 'X' button on the top right corner or just press Alt + F4. Sorry for taking your time.

Every time I wanted to write something it always have its way of slipping out of my head. Either I was distracted by someone's blog or just happen to forget about it. Well I guess this time I have something to help me think. This song that is playing in my blog.

As sad I would actually think, the tunes and the lyrics kinda makes me think of my past. It's always been my past. I just love to see it again and recall and analyze it which brings me to this thing I had in mind for quite sometimes and everyone whom can think or maybe don't even need to think knows this word. Regrets.

When I finished my PSLE. I know I couldn't go to the express stream just how my brother did when he scored an aggregate of 209 or 215 something like that. At the time of my PSLE I scored 187. My mum says I was about either 10 - 15 points away to get into the express stream.

When I was in my secondary school I kind of did well in my studies just I sucks at History and Literature so when come to sec 3 I took English, Mathematics, Combine Science (Physics n Chemistry), Mother Tongue, Geography, Principles of Accounts and Art. N level I was suppose to scored 3 1s for my best subjects which was POA, Mathematics and Combine Science. Instead I got 2 for each of them.

Comes the best of the best part of my studies, GCE 'O' Levels. I dropped Geography just because I don't want to see someone in my class not that I didn't have interest in the subject and in the end, I didn't do well in my 'O's. Scored about 21 points but got D7 for English and all my courses I had in mind couldn't be selected so I went to the IT line instead.

Comes to Polytechnics met lots of friends and kinda enjoy a lot and skipping classes and do keep track of our own attendance as there's a limit to the absentees if not your barred from the exams. Well that didn't go through well. Kicked out so that a full stop in my education. Well I thought it was a comma.

NS life came and I got to think all those thing I done in the past.

What if I didn't play Warcraft 2 and Diablo while I was taking my PSLE, would I get a better aggregate?

What if I tried really hard in attaining grade 1 for my sec 1 subjects, would I be better in the express stream in sec 2?

What if I drop all my internet gamings and my so called stupid love life I had in poly times, would I have passed my subjects and be holding a diploma right now and being the only in the family to hold a diploma?

Regrets. People says there's no point in regretting. It can't change the past nor help you along the way how you would lead your life.

So if you don't regret what do you do then? They'll say, lift up your head high and try not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Easier said then done. As much as I would love to see the life that way, that's a dream life.

Most of the people in this would regrets doing that they do. Either what they did benefits them or not. Why? Because only when actions have been made, they would realize then I could have done a better outcome. Now that is being greedy.

Just like betting. After winning a bet that you placed for a dollar because you only have two dollars left in your pocket and you won the bet. In the back of your mind if you're greedy," I should have bet both my dollars and get the prize money doubled!"

Even if it is just a little feeling it's still regret.

Sex. Now that's something very wide and great example. For all those who have gone through it's process, hell yeah it felt good. As simple as it is as a package of a male sexual organ feels in the warmth place of a female sexual organ, sure it felt good and undeniably great but how would you feel when you find out she got someone sleeping in that tummy of hers? Scared? Shocked? Fear? Don't tell my Regret is not one of them?

Sure everyone will say,"Is he stupid? Doesn't he knows to shoot outside not in? What can't afford condoms?" One, stupid maybe yes, in the first place if you have thought of the consequences of that she might get pregnant and willing to take responsibility go ahead if not you're stupid. Two, ejaculation. Hell not everyone born with a remote explosions have you heard of premature ejaculation? Three, condoms. Even with a condom it doesn't give you 100% protections. Possibility of a breakage or maybe yes couldn't afford it.

Now this brings me to these group of people whom I've recently thought of too. Tattoo lover. They just seems to love putting body arts on them self. Sure it looks sexy and kinda manly too but have you thought of the long range? I mean, you won't really have regrets in having a tattoo on you and even when you've age and your skin gets wrinkled and your tattoo actually look wrinkly. I'm not saying they are stupid or what, it's just that I was wondering don't they regret of having such big tattoos and undeniably cool tribal tattoos on their body that when time ages it'll look horrible? For me I guess I would. Haha. A boy full or regrets. (points at myself.)

So what's my point? Well basically in life no one have ever in their every beat of their heart and every air they gasp just to keep themselves alive feel regret of what they do in life. No matter how much you tried to deny it all of us have this regret feeling deep in our hearts.

Just like how I feel every time. Regret. My school. My love life. My family. Myself. But I don't feel depressed at all. I just hope to have a better chance to do over again. If I were even given a chance. As much as I miss that someone, miss school and more importantly, miss having myself right beside me. No this is no ghost joke. It's just a saying that I've been wanting to be in everyone shoes but I forgot which one is mine.

Now after all that, I just feel lost but no matter what, I'm still going to every opportunity I had. I guess it's the only thing that keeps me moving in this world.

So did I regret the life I'm going through now?

As a matter of fact, yes, but there's always a reason why it happen right? Just think of this, God works in His own mysterious way for us to reveal it slowly but after knowing the truth, yes regrets may arrive but no matter what have installed for us, just keep on moving forward. Maybe that dream life of ours could be waiting. Or we've already achieved it without knowing it.

RedRulz.

Truth is out..

2008-04-18T02:51:00.000-07:00

This will be my first time updating at my sister's home. Like, finally she got an internet at home. Nowadays I've been staying with her, pretty much the weekdays. Only weekends I'll be going home just to save up on transportation that is and another some private stuff which I rather keep it to myself. No point in saying it here as it's a family matter.

So I guess even a free and easy willed guy have a sensitive side eh? Who doesn't? Everybody have a heart and a brain to think to act as it own free will but what happen to someone when he or she started to depend on people's thought too much? What is he or she trying to convey? You can't think for yourself that you keep thinking I better check for a second opinion so that my life will be perfect.

What? Are you insane? What are you taking your life as? That one downfall means dooms day? Look up to the sky and smell the carbon monoxide. We are dying as every breath we take. You sure didn't think of that do you? Nothing can be perfect in this world. There's always be some flaws that you will go through and if you manage to perfect it on your own, you excel dependency.

What's this horoscope thing? Come on. You know your life better than some fake stuff guide. Not all the words they pour at you mean that's who you are. You life aren't something to be controlled or to be told. It's your choice and yours alone. Who are they to tell you what to do and how to lead your own life?

Yes I couldn't agree more even they are your friends but how do you know if your friends are not trying to pull you down. They may sound right but still the decision is still yours to make. Not them. You could seek advice but not asking cheat codes. Hell they don't even exist in the real world.

So what I'm trying to get at? Be Independent. Show us that you can stand up on your own two feet without using us as crutches. It have been painful to us even sometimes I don't even bother but it hurts me seeing my own friend being scrutinized badly right in front of me. Not that I blame them but it does kills me that I can't help it but to agree with them. Not because they are my friends but because it's a fact that facts doesn’t comes from a fictional story books.

Well that's off my chest, now I'm going to say something else. Something I've keep for so long.

First of all I would like to thank all my friends in my life for being a good friend to me. My 'rotten' mates. Sorry if I didn't get to meet up with you guys. I just feel like timing is not right and the group how we used to be are like different and I just feel outdated. Haha. Anyway there isn't a proper plan of meet up and that's why last minute calls don't work anymore. It's hard being famous.

Sorry to my poly mates for sometimes couldn't answer your calls and not getting to meet up often too. Like I've said it's hard being famous as so many people meeting me up and looking at you guys just feel different to me. You guys went ahead so far I just feel left out and I just feel I don't belong there. I'm one of those screwed up bastard that got trashed out of school just because two fucked up lecturers don't know how to teach their students and my repeated partner been busy plucking her pussy pubes that she also didn't thought of meeting me up to do our projects. So that's that and I just feel out.

Sorry to my GH cbtl mates. Even though as now I don't really talk to you guys or even contact all of you but I just feel sorry for being a bad friend. After I went for NS I just couldn't catch up with you as though I found a new family I throw you away. Been too long and I really don't know where to start to make it up. So I'm just so sorry.

My Eagles brothers in tekong and 4SIR. Great knowing you guys and I hope to see all of you soon no matter where ever we meet. If you see me do acknowledge me. I might be having another pair of eyes but my mind is somewhere else. Sorry to those who have seen me but I didn't acknowledge back. Maybe my mp3 was deafening my mind I forgot to say hi or maybe I was too shy to tell you that,"Oh you look familiar. Who are you again?" Some friend am I?

My entity family. Life has never been less fun with you guys. Everywhere and every time we are together laughter never miss us. Not forgetting those scary nights and freaky experience we've been through in those haunted places and after those experiences we had a good laugh about it. Sure it was fun but seems like the family getting smaller and smaller. I just wish we could go back the same as how we were and no hidden loops with killing vengeance on each other.

My secondary school friends thank you for the thick and thins going through our lives. It has been fun and really, meeting you guy up just feels like we are back in our 5 years of our teenage life again. Seems like things have never really change in our attitudes and sure, old jokes are still the best. The bowling and pool sessions sure gives us time to reminisce our old times.

So frankly, I feel I'm a bad friend and I just feel I don't deserve the credit that most of my friends give to me. To me every passing moment is a great memory which I just don't know what happen or what went wrong that changes everything. Was the word growing up? Or was the word called moving on? It's still clueless to me but one thing for sure.

I may not be there, but you're still in my mind.

RedRulz.

Lost..

2008-03-31T15:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things going on around my life just makes me thinking. What do I want in life? Being the age of 23 and soon to be 24 I still can't decide what I really want in life. As stressful I am thinking about it over and over again I just seems not to have any ambition towards my life in the future. I don't even know what or where do I see myself in 5 years time to come.

Everyone in my life seems like to move on so perfectly. Having better educations, better jobs, getting married, having kids on their own and so on. Me? I just have, nothing. The time when my life stops improving was after my poly days. After I was kicked out from school, which lots of my friends keep saying that I QUIT, it just stop.

Love suck and I don't even know what is actual love. What was the true reason to have a companion by your side? What does watching movie with the person you love most was suppose to mean? What does spending time with the person you love suppose to make any difference from your own friends? Does having a companion means you have a new life or is it important to have a companion?

My opinion, they are just same normal people around you. There's not much different from your own friend. Just that friends don't kiss, hug you while watching a movie or sent you home to your door steps and give a peck on the side of the lips before you close the doors. So was that the reason why we want a companionship in our life or was it another reason? What is it?

Jobs. I'm ok with anything. You teach me, I learn and I'll do my job to the fullest. Not giving myself credit but this is what I see about myself when ever I got a job. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (CBTL). One of the job I enjoyed the most. First it started awkwardly and too many things to remember but soon after I could do things with my eyes close. Not literally though. Then I started meeting new people, hearing work gossips, late nights makan sessions and not forgetting clubbing sessions. Haha. Sadly it ended when I got myself into army.

Then in the army was my most peaceful days of my two years life. I didn't had to worry about school, work or a job. All I had to do was make my sergeants and sirs happy and I'm free to go. Even if I had to be their dog it was perfectly fine to me because I know I didn't disturb them so they won't disturb me.

Now army had ended and I planned to go back to school to start fresh. While waiting for results I start to work part time in a photocopying shop. Easy job and seriously was much better then CBTL. Sadly plan didn't go well as my application wasn't successful. Shit happens. Best of all I didn't have a contingency plan. I was seriously hoping so badly to go back to poly. I guess NYP barred me forever from going to another poly then or it wasn't just my luck.

So what do I do next? I guess I can't help it then, learning how to drive. Since it's my mum's wish and she's sponsoring me so I'll just take that offer. I don't want to go back CBTL just as yet. I want to try new other jobs. FnB are just a playing thing to me. I want to try like office and want to know what do they mean by office politics and stuff. Then again with my only O level certificate I guess I can't go anywhere much.

I guess my life couldn't get any much better or it could be in a slow pace right now. Well either way I hope it could just speed up a little bit. As of right now I just feel like being alone is the best thing for me. Need to do a little of soul searching. Not on love but my life. I just need to find a purpose and a reason for me in this world.

I really miss my army life.

RedRulz.

Thoughts..

2008-03-21T02:00:00.000-07:00

As of now that I start to type, it's already 1:16 AM. I'm sleepy but I don't know why I still have this urge that it's either today or not ever. Haha. Stupid as it is or maybe I just want to have a say here in my blog. I guess I have lots to say. Or maybe little.

Bangkok Love Story.

A movie that I've watched recently. Yeah. Gay movie. Rated 21 and I wonder why. For what I know all R21 movies have sexual scene that reveal naked scenes like either butt naked or breast. In this case there's no breast since it's a gay movie but you'll never know unless you've watch it right? Well there's isn't any naked scene or breast. They make it R21 because it's two guys kissing each other passionately with them wearing only their undies. Yes. That's all. I believe the 'sex' scene was cut completely.

Anyway the movie was about an assassin(Cloud) and a witness(Stone). Basically the assassin was suppose to kill the witness but in the end help him out because he was hired by someone he despise. Protecting Stone from being shot Cloud took the impact and after they escape Stone willingly took care of Cloud. Funny that after their intimate scene, both have a so called dark past.

In school Cloud was already in love with a guy secretly but at the same time he fell in love with a girl. Bisexual. Cloud was molested when he was young by his step father which I guess his sexuality gotten confuse there and he was uncertain of it. Curious confuse. Haha. Weird but true.

I won't really say the whole story of it but just a gist of it. Tragic sad ending that I concluded their love were never meant to be.

After the show ended, I actually could count how many watched the movie. Exact number. 10. Including me. Haha. Can't blame though as the only time slot they had was at 1:55 AM. So on the way down to the first floor in the lift this girl and her friend or maybe boyfriend asked him this question,"So, was the movie promoting homosexuality?" If I could burst into a loud laughter, I would have but I have to keep my insanity to myself.

I just can't imagine how can that show be a promoter of homosexuality? It's just a show and a movie. A fiction. If you like, you could take it as this way, gays are all around you. Could be your colleague, your school pals, you best buddies or even your family. If an assassin could be gay and so as someone who's about to be married be gay or bisexual, I guess there's no wrong in assuming that maybe the guy who always walk closely to a guy to be gay. Haha. Still they could just be old pals or childhood friend or brothers. Still you never know. Haha.

Reunion.

Last Sunday, Ririn, ShieldLeo, M.Zul and me had a small reunion with our beloved P.Ross that came back from Brunei and this time she's staying for good. I guess the 'family' is back and hopefully we could be our old self again soon going for scary night trips and night cruising to 'famous' places. Haha.

So far the instant plan we had was to overnight at Pulau Ubin at Nordin Beach. Pulau Ubin is already freaky to me but overnighting there, now that will be totally shitting in my pants. Stories of Ubin being haunted seems like getting more and more real to me. People always advise to go during the day and make sure to leave by 6pm or the last boat trip back to Singapore. Had no idea why but even the boat have it's stories. One of my friend took a picture in the boat going to Pulau Ubin and guess what? He got a welcoming hand on his right shoulder.

Goodness I must have been insane to write about this especially at this hour. MALAM JUMAAT! Goodness I totally forgot about it. Hopefully nothing happen though. Even though I've already felt the warning signs. Let my type a few more ok?

So about the trip to Pulau Ubin, I'm scared as well but it'll be one of an experience though. For camping overnight I just can't wait to play with fire. Love camp fires. Haha. Remind me of the old times I had in Brunei training but never like the walks though.

I guess that's all I've got to say. My eyes are getting heavier by the seconds and yes, I hear the bed and the pillows calling me and the gateway to dreamland is about to open. I guess I'll just finish up the blog here. Wow! The fastest blog update I had. Now is 1:57 AM. 41 minutes. Personal record I guess. Haha.

RedRulz.

PLAY

2008-03-05T11:54:00.000-08:00

Been a while. Well more like been a long time. Haha. Didn't realize that I didn't update my blog for so long. Either I didn't know that time was moving too fast or I didn't visit my blog. I guess I almost forgot that I had a blog. Haha.

So what have I been up to? Nothing much. Sleep. Walk. Work. Paper cuts. Backache. Headaches. Smoking. Movies. Eating. Bathing. Grooming. Going out. Clubbing. Oops. Haha. ShieldLeo and Ririn so gonna kill me if they finds out I went clubbing recently. Haha. Still it's not just your ordinary club. This is PLAY.

There have been two clubs I went recently so far. As I can remember, Double O and Ministry Of Sound. Most frequent is definitely MOS. Hope you guys don't mind the abbreviation as MOS looks almost like Mos burger thing. You get the picture.

So you go to a club. Double O or MOS. What's common you see? The people and drinks. Both have good crowds and sure for every guys dream. Hot chicks and great music. The guys will dress up like either they were to look like some hot rappers or some daddy with thick fat wallets. Make some cool moves and reciting the song as if they were their own song.

Another common thing you will see that the girls will looks their best as more commonly I would say, One Night Stander Slut. Revealing cleavage and tight fitting wear and thick make ups and sparkling blings just to get the guys attentions. Oh not forgetting the butt grinding and sexy moves to attract the guys. As usual once they get the guys attention, they'll do what they do best.

What do guys do in return? Ah. Damn normal. Get their numbers and next thing you know, hook up for a night or save it for later. After use don't forget to pass around. Haha. That's what I've been hearing from my friends when I was in camp. Maybe not totally heard but it seems that's what been going around.

Still if not flirting is being done in a clubs, there's always fighting. Not happy with one another because their penis are bigger then the other or smaller so they want to bash up each their to grab and take it for themselves. Or maybe the ladies sees someone with bigger breast or smaller so they thought they want to try if their breast slapping is good or not.

Still, let's not lose hope on humanity just as yet. Maybe there are still some good girls and boys out there that goes to club just to have some music fun and dance or just mingle around to broaden their social life. In a good way of course. So what's my point about PLAY?

Before you read this part which I believe going to be a short one I got to warn you first. If you are NOT an open minded person. Leave. If you think you KNOW it all. Leave. If you BELIEVE this world is all about law. Leave. If you THINK politics rocks. Leave. If you SAY being a homosexual is disgusting. FUCK OFF.

Yes. PLAY. It's a gay club. Funny, weird but true. I went to a gay club. Well it wasn't my first time though as I went to Ynot or was it called Why Not before. Sure I miss that place seeing the drag show with them cracking their jokes and stuffs. Still it was my first time to PLAY. Not that big but sure the crowd was huge. Yes. Many. Yes. BANYAK. Ririn, I'm sure you would drool if you see what I saw that day.

Look left, look right, look in front and look behind you. Guys were every where. Gorgeously looking. Hunks. Handsome faces. Well everything is like top to the max. Well ladies before you get excited, it is a gay club. So there's a possibility they are gay but you still could have your chances if he's a bisexual. Haha.

Talking about ladies. I believe the club didn't say Guys Only. So there was girls around there too. Yes they are the real deal. Skinny arms and legs and the most important, no Adam's Apple. Oh. If only I brought my see through clothes glasses, maybe I could see if she got balls or not. Haha. Right. I'm sure they are girls just having fun with their friends.

Music at PLAY was ok. Electro mix kind of stuff. All are mixes of the famous songs. Fast beat, cool atmosphere and definitely enjoyable. By a reliable source Friday they play hip hop and RnB songs. Only Saturday they play electro mix. So what's so good about this club? Well one thing for sure, you don't have to worry getting yourself beaten up after the club just because your penis are bigger than his or smaller. Yes I know what you are thinking but I don't think they would do it. Unless you give in. Haha.

Frankly, I believe most of them went with their partners. Yes. As disgusting as you might think it was pretty ok for me. YES I know what you are thinking but still we are all humans anyway. Go and watch Queers As Folks. Welcome to the real world. Pretty much they were just huggings and kissings. No if I know what you are about to ask me. No sex allowed in a club remember?

Reminds me that long time ago I went to a club called Cheeky Monkey. Their toilet provide a condom dispenser. I wonder what's that all about. PLAY? Nope. Didn't see any. Anyway their toilet is an open one for the guys, ladies don't worry they have a closed door toilet for you. Well it's more like a unisex toilet.

So how do they dance? Haha. Most of them are like standing around looking at the dance floor. As I was too short and damn the tall guys around there I couldn't really see how they dance on the dance floor. Pretty much all of them just there looking as they are having fun with the music. As normal it would get, you would see more couples kissing and hugging while they were dancing.

Didn't see anyone trying to look like they are some hip hop rapper or some One Night Stander Slut or some daddy with thick fat wallets. Most of them look casual. As standard as it is, metro sexual look. Classy with fashion tight jeans or some hot pants. Oh. Reminds me. I guess the dance floor got pretty hot that some hunks took off their tops. Yes Ririn. Hunks. Not like Bob we know but nevertheless, HUNKS.

So will I go to PLAY again? Maybe. If I have the time. Maybe Friday. See if the crowd are different from Saturday. Hopefully I would bring a friend maybe Ririn and ShieldLeo to watch the crowd with me this time. Haha. Yes. I wasn't really dancing. Through out my 3 hours there, I was listening to the music being played and watching the crowd. Well, it was no where I was ogling, just observing.

So, wanna PLAY?

RedRulz

Feelings..

2008-02-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

It's better to have loved and lost
than
never to have love at all.

Reflecting it on myself, I'm fortunate what I was loved before. I guess I can't really relate the second part of the phrase. Pretty much by just seeing this sentence it really hurts to be at the other side but some people think otherwise.

To Have Loved And Lost.

To have loved and lost is hurting. It could make one go insane, doing unthinkable things and make irrational decision. Pretty much it could harm someone if he/she isn't strong enough. Lost of appetite, lost hopes and could also possibly lost everything that he/she believe in. In other words, they lock themselves and threw the key away and lose all the screws they have in their brains. It could really be that deadly but not everyone are like that.

The stronger ones will move on and continue living on with the pain in their hearts and knowing that one day there will be someone to amend their broken hearts. Putting much faith in destiny and humanity that they will hope to never have to go through such pain again if ever to have a new love. Not to forget, praying to the God they worship.

Some stronger once gave up the opposite sex and go with the same. Now that's hurting. This is true and seriously I can't side either one of them of who to blame. They have their own reasons and they have their own preference. Until today most of us wondered why. Now that is something for all of us to think and find out.

Still there are the forth kind to this too. Gave up on love and just prefer to be alone. Seems like loneliness can be the only friend they have or should I say love. Choose to live their life alone as so not to break their own hearts and others. Knowing that they were once loved and had done once in their life time, was a satisfaction to them and it was enough. So to speak they could die peacefully.

Than Never To Have Love At All.

This is something I can't relate at all but to be in their shoes it's kind of depressing. The urge to love someone special in their life seems not happening or no one to give them love. Feel all alone and sad. No one to share their feelings to. As if like no one open their hearts to them as if they are a jinx to the society. Pretty it seems this group of people are the ones suffering most. Being alone since their school days until now by the age to 24. Now that's terrible.

Results of this effect is seriously kind of make me thinking. Is it worth it to be on this side or the other? To have loved and lost or never to have love at all? As for me I'm already belong to the group To Have Loved And Lost and to my experience, yes it was terrible feeling at first but as time passes by, we move on and with that we gain something that is to be strong and not to give up. Although I gave up on hope and just be like the wind. Let it blows to which ever direction it takes me and if someone to take me in, I'll go with them. Then again, I do want to be loved again but I'm just scared. But to think of myself in Never To Have Love At All, I'll be a super sad guy.

So I believe everyone should get a fair share of love. Not only for couples. Although he/she may not be special but as a friend. To remind them that they are not alone in this world. To remind them that they will always be remembered no matter how long and how far they have gone. That they will always be in our hearts.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

RedRulz.

Laughter

2008-02-05T14:13:00.000-08:00

Just talked about suicide bombing and we had a suicide explosion about two days back. Reports says 90 were injured and sent to a hospital. The explosion was in a station in Colombo. The SMS I receive from New_Flash didn't really says if it were a train station or a bus station. Ever since I've change my phone line to a 3G line I keep getting such updates but this one kind of freaky as I just talk about suicide bombings and now it happen just the very next day. Weird but true.

Anyway today's posting is nothing serious but just a good laugh. Yes it's still on suicide bombings but this is seriously hilarious. As you will know it, it's making fun about who. Regardless it was a good humor. Enjoy the clip.

Achmed The Dead Terrorist.

RedRulz.

Dead

2008-02-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

In the loving memory of
Muhammad Syaiful
29/05/1984 - 01/02/2008
A loving son.
A very loyal friend.

He died at such a young age leaving lots of thing behind. He died by his own will. It seems like he just had too much on his mind and it leads him to his death. He will be missed by all his friends and especially his family. A person who always smiles and seems like never really show his emotion much to his family but he was much closer to his friend. He never gives up on his belief and always have high hopes in every thing he does. He's not a quitter but I guess everyone has its limit and today we see how fragile human minds are when comes to stressed up situation. He left us a note before he plunge to his death and it seems he want us to read his last words before he left this world.

"Beloved family and friends. It has been a while that I've shared my problems with you. I thought I could do it by myself but I guess because of me trying to be kind to the people I love the most, I didn't want you to get involve. I was looking for another answer to my problems but all this while and silence, I was so lost, I couldn't find them. As close as I could get it, it leads me to a new problem and they keep adding up and I just couldn't seems to handle it well. Anyway I just want to thank you for being there for me always. My family. My friends. My love ones. I'm seriously in your debt but seems like I didn't have the chance to repay them. Before I leave this world I pray for your safety living in this harsh world. Always be strong in what ever you do and never give up. I didn't give up. It's just that I'm going to die too either way I took this jump or not. At least I leave this world a momentarily flight. Smile and be happy always. I love you."

Well I'm still alive. That's for sure. It was just a scenario of a situation. I thought to be more realistic I use my own name and my own feelings of why I would do a suicide. As much as I do hate living in this world but I don't have enough strength to move to that step so I'm pretty much confident that I won't do it.

Anyway why death? I don't know really but seems like a place where I always sits about 4 years ago brings me back all those memories where I always thought to just die and not live again. It just bring back those emotions that I kept so long but the situation above have nothing to do with my own personal life. I was just exaggerating things as part of the feelings I had 4 years ago.

So what is my point in talking about death? It wasn't just death. It was more like suicide and leaving behind everything just because you can't solve the problems on your own. Come to think of it I was just trying to be considerate that I didn't want other people to be involve in my problems so I distant myself from my friends and family. Then the problems just keeps piling up like nobody business so it leads me to suicide. Sick but it's just a scenario.

Anyway this is just one of the reason why suicide happens. There's a lot more of other situation like drugs, pregnancy, break ups, financial and anything under the sun that you could think of. Some even kill them self because their pets died so they want to die together. Sick bastard. Fall in love with a man or a woman. Never an animal. Seriously I hate those suicidal people. Even sometimes I think of it too but to do a suicide means you are just a coward. There's always a solution to everything that we do in this world. Even if you're infected with a disease it doesn't means you could do a suicide because you feel that you rather die then lived with the humiliation. It's just wrong. Live your life to the fullest.

Still suicide doesn't ends there. There's suicide bombings too. Now that is wickedly sick bastards. They thought by doing it would be to a such honor. My hairy ass honor that I'll give you. Seriously I just can't see why these people actually do such suicide bombing? Don't they appreciate their own life? Or are they THAT stupid thinking they would go to heaven if they do such honorable job? More like stupid job. I really pity those people who got trap in those brainwashed situation and worst, especially in suicide bombings.

So there's two types of suicide so far I know. One is personal suicide. The other is terrorist suicide. Still both of them are the most stupid thing on Earth. I just can't believe they really think suicide is the answer. Have they ever thought that their problems never leave? It just keeps adding up even if you leave this world. The one affected are your close ones. Don't you care for any of them? If you do then don't attempt suicide. Don't even think of suicide because it's stupid.

I am also stupid just thinking of it but I'm still smart. Why?

Because I'm alive.

RedRulz.

Bored...

2008-01-15T22:45:00.000-08:00

Argh.. Stretching myself after sitting in front of the computer for almost 12 hours. Seriously, I'm bored. Pretty much for two days in a row I've been lazying around at home doing nothing. Well so to speak if I had no cash for what I leave home right? Still staying at home is seriously boring. Watching tv that keep showing the same shows and same skit and same cartoon simply making me superbly bored. Starhub cable please, you need to change your movies already. NO CLASSIC MOVIE PLEASE!!

So why didn't I going out? Well I actually had plans. Going out with my sergeant but don't know why seems like either he didn't want to go out or he just got no mood or tired. Maybe he's still playing the new game of his. Who cares? LOL. Still, at least inform me, don't make me wait for a fruit that never falls (tunggu sampai buah tak jatuh).

Good thing I had something to keep me occupy. Yeah. Sue me. I declare myself I'm a Mapler so sue me. For being over aged and playing such a children's game. You got a problem for an early twenty guy playing MapleStory? Sue me. As if MapleStory requires an age limit for playing but one thing for sure, cartoon graphics and silly looking monster are for kids but having a marrying scheme and silly love over an online game, that's just corrupting a kids mind. Love each other because of items over the online game, goodness, teaching kids to be materialistic?

Never mind that I'll talk more on MapleStory as and when I had the time. The game was just a time-killer. Though sometimes I got too serious I just give reasons not to leave home because I want to play the game. Yeah, sue me, again.

So what have I been doing all day?

Woke up at 8am. MapleStory.

12pm. Break. Lunch.

1pm. Watch tv. The Mummy.( Never really get sick of this movie.)

3pm. MapleStory.

6.30pm. Break. Dinner.

7pm. Tv no good shows, back to MapleStory(and I was still waiting for that call or SMS).

10pm. Break. Blogging on how boring my day was.

SOMEBODY ENTERTAIN ME!! LOL. I so need a new life. Being ORDed and broke and not wanting to work because I'm still waiting for the application to go back to school is seriously BORING! HELP!! Argh, if only one day I could find just one stack, I repeat, ONE STACK of $50 notes, it's enough for me to go out for this 4 months. Oh My GawD!! I just realize. It's going to be that long!!

I guess that just have to put aside. I just have to endure it then. I guess I just have to go out tomorrow. Maybe go for a run until I faint since I've been gaining weight these past one month. Funny, even I didn't have enough sleep and I still gain weight. No I wasn't on MapleStory.

Oh, I just remembered. I wanted to go to the library tomorrow. Hell no idea what ever for. I guess I just need to go out. Funny library goes to my mind first. Normally I'll just think of Jurong Point. Weird. Maybe I'm just being too bored that I can't think of an exciting place so my mind tells me go to a boring place. LOL! Maybe I need to pick up my reading habits again.

Believe it or not I bought this book called,"How To Talk To Anyone. 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationship." ROFLMAO. I'm so laughing at myself every time I see that book. For your information, it's on the floor doing nothing. I don't know why I buy that book. Maybe because I just feel I need a communication skill but seeing that book every time just makes me laugh. Laughing at a looser as myself. LOL.

Argh, I guess I just need to give my life a new spice into it or bring back the old spices from Tekong BMTC School 1. For example,

0530 hrs Reveille (as if I can wake up at this hour again.)
0600 hrs Breakfast (erm.. bread jam milo? don't have..)
0730 hrs ET Jog (I think 0800hr I can la.. Just wake up.)
0900 hrs Army stuff (what shoud i put myself..Maple?)
1200 hrs Lunch (one quater rice, two vege sides and one meat and fruit? LOL)
1330 hrs Army stuff (More Maple? or blog? LOL)
1600 hrs ET Jog (Lazy la.. Sleep can?)
1800 hrs Dinner (erm. same as lunch? LOL.. I think I'll have Mc Spicy LOL)
2000 hrs Last Parade ( report to who? Computer.. LOL)
2200 hrs Lights off (erm.. Maple? oh sleep? LOL)

That was part of it what I can remember but these only happen on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Tuesday and Thursday more on static training. Haiz.. Miss my Tekong life. It was more fun then just staying at home doing nothing but eat, maple and sleep.

Guess this is what my feeling now. Bored and just wish I could turn back the hands of time. I guess I wasn't ready to ORD. LOL. Right. Well I guess I'll update something more interesting some other time. For now this is my life, my rules.

So now you know...

Who RedRulz truly is.. (I'm a Mapler dumbAss! Did you even read?)

RedRulz.

Choice..

2008-01-09T14:36:00.000-08:00

"The human consciousness that originates in the brain and is manifested especially in thought, perception, emotion, will, memory and imagination. It is also the collective conscious and unconscious process in a sentient organism that direct and influence mental and physical behavior." - MIND.

Pretty much I find this very interesting. Like one of a the line says by Major Chip Hazard,"A mind is a terrible thing to waste." Though in the movie it was talking about a memory chip that acts like a mind in each of every toy soldiers. Actually memory chips is a mind as well. Just that it is computerize.

Both memory chips and minds are the same thing. The only different is that memory chips are needed to be program for them to think but minds doesn't need to program. We are already doing it on our own as we are growing up. Maybe, that is programming in human terms. Learning that is, but still we already have the ability to think when we are born.

Think about it. If any of you have a baby at home, either yours or your sibling's or relatives, you'll notice that a baby really thinks for themselves. When they are hungry they'll cry. When they are sleepy, they'll cry. Well so to speak when they need something to their pleasure or should I say needs, they'll cry.
Why they cry? They are still a baby, you don't expect them to shout,"MUMMY I WANT MILK!!" right? Goodness, I'll so be terrified seeing a baby already know 4 syllabus when they are just new born. Still that how our mind work when we were an infant. Then you've already know the rest like the word educations.

So what am I getting here? Basically just the thoughts of mind and the appreciation of mind. Pretty much I need lots of minds in writing this entry as a friend of mine did ask me, when am I going to update my blog and actually I had troubling in writing as my mind can't seems to be focusing and there you go, an inspiration to talk. Finally.

Why mind? Pretty much it's in everyone's life and after finding out about the definition of mind, it really surprises me on how powerful a mind is. Even if we are born not highly educated, we sure have some capabilities in one way or another that no one can have, or could be similar just that no one knows about it, and still this will leads to one thing, your mind.

As much as we know how strong the mind is, it could also over powering the weaker minds. Like, brainwash. For someone who doesn't think much will be easily be fool by things they thought it was a good idea but they didn't know that they were, in a way, being cheated like for an example by a salesmen. No offense but seems to me everyone I know says that to me. Even us being Singaporean, we know something is up but we still choose to go with it, why? Because we don't have a stronger mind and because of majority, we can't really opposes them can we?

So if there were to be a stronger mind in amongst us bloggers and readers, I was just wondering why none of us seems to speak our minds a lot? Was it because some people thought it would be selfish of us not thinking straight or it was selfish of us thought we could oppose the majority or is it because, we are scared? I'm not saying that everything we says or some people may think I'm saying is right but there's got to be a reason why we aren't voicing out?

So what is the reason to all this questionable questions? I only have one believe in that. We do really have a weak mind don't we? But then why am I having this thought about voicing out our minds? Because I believe we have our rights. If I don't then why do others have to rights to tell us to do and we have to obey them? Is that right? Maybe not all of it but still we are humans and not computers that could easily programmed. We are humans just like others in this world we have choices. So people of the world choose to SPEAK YOUR MIND!!

In any case, life have to go on. It's just how strong your mind is. Sometimes when we choose to do something, when it can't goes our way it just have to sway. Once when we can to do something we choose then we could use the opportunity given to do it. Only one problem, look out for mistakes.

So do bear this in mind.

You are never wrong.

Until someone prove you so.

RedRulz - (09/01/2008 2.36pm)

RedRulz.

Denial..

2008-01-02T11:35:00.000-08:00

I know it's late
And I know it's true
No matter what's the date,
I'm still in love with you.
Listening to our song
Our sweet memories flows within my brain.
Now realizing that you are gone,
The only thing my heart fills is pain.
Not knowing what to do with my life
And I know it's nothing new.
The next thing I'm saying to you is not a lie,
I miss you and still want to be with you.

Only God Knows.. I'm Living In Denial.. -RedRulz(10/05/2005 04.12am)

That was really me and my composing. I compose them and it was seriously three years ago. Ririn and SheildLeo knows about this or maybe they have forgotten them. Pretty much I am a confuse person. Sometimes I want things to go my way and sometimes I just go with the flow. I believe I'm like the wind. Unpredictable. It comes and go. (it comes and go) Sounds like something that I experience a lot.

Some beginning I had. For the year of 2008. Seems to me someone or I myself is trying to break the barrier I had kept for a full year. I guess I'm weak or I just choose to go with the flow knowing I might be hurt or get disappointed at or the worst of all, I put my friends behind, my closest friend.

What am I talking about? The 'L' word. No not the lesbian show. It's love. Pretty much I know what it's like to be love and what it's like to have someone to love and give it to. Or maybe I thought I knew. Maybe I need to buy 'Love guide for Dummies'. Haha. That will be the first thing I need to get for this year. That will so be embarrassing.

Either way I just don't feel ready or maybe I'm just confuse. I don't like things to go bad or it'll just go away like it never happens. I also want my friends to be around me. I don't want them to stray me. Yes lots of things will be different and yes, you could pile them up for our end year Hall Of SHAME. Now that will be a good laugh again at Coffee Bean Boat Quay.

Argh.. This is so killing me. I hate this feeling. I want it but I don't want it. I want to have it but I want all of it. I just don't want to end it once it's start. Gosh I'm so confuse. Someone please just put me to sleep so I won't wake up. At least for three months. Why three? One for family, one for my friends, one for the myself. These three are something I hold so dear.

What's my weakness? Great Smile, coolness, funny, mysterious, great voice, nice scent, presentable. Hell, what am I talking about? Denial denial denial. Why can't I just seems to accept the way things are? Why can't other see that this is troubling me mind? Why do people like to play other people's feelings? Argh!! Sometimes I wish I'm born blind so I don't have to like anyone I see. Sometimes I wish I've never been born at all.

I don't know where this is going to lead me. Seems I just can't get my head right. The choices still yet to be made and I could choose just let both go and keep them in a safe place where I won't be hurt. After a bad experience of losing someone to someone I can't even compared to is really hurting and I've never felt so down in my whole entire 21 years of my life. The scar was so big it's hard to forget.

Listening to this song currently in my blog some how give me the spirit to move on. I am not alone. Think of it, there are others shared the same fate or maybe worst but I hope they are luckier then me because my life is already as bad as it is. Only I've been putting a smile in every walks of my life hiding my sadness and problems.

I guess that's the best part of being a Gemini. We are good pretenders and actors. We care too much of others but we don't care for ourselves. We can't make good decision but we sure make hell out of it. We are great listeners but sometimes we just can't say the right words and sometimes we give bad advice.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just one of the bad Geminis being born. But one thing is for sure.

Life could be better if things are easy for us
but
if things are easy, what does your life means to you?

RedRulz - (02/01/2008 11.35am)

RedRulz.

Memories of 2007

2007-12-31T12:30:00.000-08:00

Here it comes again. End of the year. This will be the day where people will be wearing their best clothings and will be out with their friends and pretty much getting drunk, party or just chill. Bloggers will talk about their lives in 2007 in their entry today. Others, may have just chill at home watching TV for the New Year's Countdown. As for me, pretty much everything (but I'm getting drunk drinking Pokka tea and hell I'm going out too).

This has been a pretty long and bumpy journey for me. Still 2007 is a best year for me. Why? Well, looking at the record, I'm dateless for the year. Single and not available for the year. Pretty much I manage to fulfill that want for the year. My heart was save for 2007.

Other then from being broken hearted, I went to a beautiful country that is Taiwan. Although it was for training but I'll never forget the view of Chelsea-Yami, my navigation time in Taiwan and the people there (because sometimes I have this liking for a chinese). It was really a good memory.

What else happen in 2007 for me? Oh, I got promoted from Private to Corporal even though I didn't pass my IPPT or SOC. Well I don't know how that happen but it was told because I was a hard working soldier and it seems I just never give up. So they were impress with it and yes they promoted me.

I was being introduced to a very good animation. Bleach. Favorite Japanese anime ever for the year of 2007. Hopefully more to come just like Bleach. To all readers who love animation please give it a try watching Bleach. If you like swords, magic or hollow(bad spirit) hunting do try watch it. Until today's date it has reached episode 154. So it's not that far to catch up.

So did I get everything I wanted to do in 2007? Tough question but I didn't have any resolution all my life before. Even I were to say what I want to achieve or what I want to do all ended up just fillers for me that are useless. So I believe I do get what I want to achieve. Basically nothing. Haha. I really have no life.

So 2008 coming in about few hours time. What is my resolution for 2008? Nothing again perhaps? Maybe. A relationship? Still thinking. Lose weight? Definitely quite impossible with me having no discipline at all but I believe maybe a few kg. At least 10kg in 6 months time. Work? Definitely yes. Just not sure what kind of a 'proper' job fits me.

I'm not sure if all these are going to be fillers again but I'm sure I have to work. That is a need. For love and weight, it's just something I want to do but maybe I'll just be dateless again next year. Unless someone plan to prove that wrong to me. Either way I believe I'll be fine because no matter what I do or happen, my smile will never fade.

Anyways, come to think again there is something I achieve for 2007.

Something that really took a very long time.

Something that I endured and finally I get to finish it in one piece.

I ORDed on 2nd December 2007.

At least that is Something.

RedRulz.

Simple Life..

2007-12-28T18:26:00.000-08:00

Well as promised.. Now it's time to fulfill them. Pretty much this entry is not going to be for the faint hearted and those who are hemophobic but I can guarantee you after all those gruesome pictures I have a special treat on the ending of the entry.

I don't know why I took pictures of them but pretty much I just find them interesting and maybe those others who are interested in knowing about the Sacrificial Ceremony during our celebration of Hari Raya Puasa and Hari Raya Haji. What do we normally do and what do they do it for? Anyways I won't really go into much details but just a brief idea about the whole thing.

Still I believe I will just let the pictures do the story with a little of words. So here how my journey begins.

[Me on a ferry towards Batam.]

[First destination reached.]

[I know I shouldn't wear black.Fine weather but HOT!]

[Van ride to Telaga Punggur. About 20 - 30 minutes ride.]

[Some things for viewing pleasure..]

[Arrive at Destination two. Now just waiting for the boat.]

[I just have to show this picture. Adorable ain't she? My Niece.]

[20 minutes of waiting now we are on our way to our Final Destination!!]

[Yeah.. I know.. Sardines.. Packed..]

[Nice eh?]

[This is nicer..]

[Haha!!]

[Take another 5 mins taxi ride to Home..]

[This mosque is opposite my humble house.]

[My home]

[Yeah. Believe it or not. It has been 3 years since I last stepped into this house.]

[Tadaima..(I'm Back / Home)]

[This is what I was looking outside my window.]

[Rain heavily the next day.]

[Strong wind.. look at the trees..]

[This is how normally we have our water supplies. Rain water but of course we use a different water for drinking. This is for washing. Haha!!]

Alright. Now we are going into the read deal. Haha. Get your eyes prepared and those of you who are having your food don't watch unless you want to go on a diet. Haha. Well it's not that disgusting. Wait until you watch the video. HAHAHA!!

[Introducing the Cow. Yeah skinny but it's a village cow what do you expect?]

[Introducing the Goats.]

[People helping out to hold the cow and a man that will slaughter.]

Before he slaughter the cows or the goats he will first say a prayer which I had no idea what prayer exactly and after the prayer he will then perform the slaughtering.

[Now it's done.. Oops.. Should have warn ya about the neck..]

[Close up of it.. Hahaha!!]

[Now the goats]

[Lots of people witnessing the sacred ceremony.]

[Ok another Cow]

[Believe it or not.. the blood sprayed out of the veins..]

[So banana leaf was use to cover from more spillage.]

[Crimson Blood... Hahaha!!]

[Preparing the goat to be divided and given to the villagers as an offering/donation to them for the needy people]

[Same for the cow as well..]

[This is where we sort the meats out.. Like playing cards eh? lol..]

[Yum yum.. You guys turn into vegetarian yet?]

[Not yet? How about this?]

Alright. Let's see the real deal. This is a video of a Cow being slaughtered.

[So is your stomach still strong? If yes, welcome to the club.]

[Well smile faces now.. Don't think of the cows no more.. or the goats..]

[Lets rest for the night and have a great day ahead.]

[Oyasuminasai (Good night)]

[Next morning was high tide and believe me when I say it's deep. I've swim in it.]

[Still not convince?]

[I'll Prove it to ya.. but before that...]

[Ain't she gorgeous?!]

[Look at those golden eyes..]

[Just look at the pattern of her fur.. so beautiful..]

[See it's high so it's deep. This is during low tide..]

[See how tall the woods are supporting the house? Hehe..]

[If you were to explore underneath the house during low tide you could find this.. a Dead baby octopus..]

[Finally a night with a full moon. The only best shot I got so far..]

[A Great morning.. Ohayou]

[Well time to go back..]

[Next time I'm riding this around the village..]

[Well see ya again..]

[Lunch. Itadakimasu!!]

[Finally a nice ferry ride back to Singapore..]

Well as promised also. A Nature's treat.. Enjoy the scenes.. May not as many but these are the few make me feel at ease.

Well, yeah. I know. Most of the pictures are like a repeat but I thought I just shared them all. Different colors give different story and feeling. Especially the negative pictures. Ririn knows it feels like Hecco Mundo. Haha.

RedRulz.

I'm Back..

2007-12-27T19:40:00.000-08:00

Yeah.. Been on holidays. Just got back on Christmas. If I were given a choice, I didn't want to come back. I did had a good time just doing nothing. Seriously. Nothing to worry but just look at the things around you and how actually life is and how we the urban city people took a lot of things for granted. Pretty much I'm slapping myself in the face as well.

There's lots I wanted to share and lots I wanted to upload. My pictures and the things I capture of what I thought would be interesting sharing but after being in the world of my "Simple Life" I feel lazy to do it. Pretty much I still have the energy to update a post. I guess a little step at a time.

But coming back to the point "Simple Life", I sometimes feel a shame of myself. I basically can't even survive living hard and surviving to make ends meet by myself. I thought I know everything but I really know nothing.

After three solid years I didn't move out of the country using my International Passport, I finally make myself to Indonesia for a holiday. The initial plan was to celebrate Hari Raya Haji there and the witness the Sacrificial Ceremony which is called "Korban". Well not sure of the official name but we called it that.

If you are asking did I really witness that ceremony? Yes. Did I took pictures of it? Yes. Did I video the bloody gruesome killing of the cows and goats? Well, goats didn't but COW, YES! Haha. I save the best for the last.

Well if you guys really want to see them all I would update tomorrow. Pretty much I got plans today to go out for dinner with my poly mates. Oh yeah, I took pretty pictures of God's greatest creations too. My personal favorite. The sky. Well I took pictures of them just to reason myself with Ririn more why I just love the sky.

Yes yes I will upload and update them in my blog by tomorrow. Promise!

Cross my Heart.

Tadaima... [I'm Back..]

RedRulz.

No Comment...

2007-12-18T18:28:00.000-08:00

No Comment. Pretty much either I'm speechless or I take back everything that I've said in my previous post (not really) or I just got nothing else to comment for what had happen two days ago.

Everyone in Singapore have been saying about we won't stand a chance winning the competition or what so ever being the smallest in population and talking about cultural wise and popularity wise but I guess yesterday's results really prove us wrong.

I guess it really cost so much just to make one famous. Singapore really did it. Spending their money on just one person sending to his doom. Pretty much he'll be representing Asia to the World Idol. One word. DOOM. Haha. Anyways good luck Hady Mirza. Even this time if you didn't win the World Idol. Just come back with a smile and I'll be more willing to just smack your ass saying, "You look gorgeous man. How about I sing for you?" (LOL)

Many might have wonder why and how did Hady Mirza won? Was it really because Singapore fans voted that much and did they really spent $600 each? Are they mad?

Well they are not mad neither they spent $600 on voting (maybe $100 lol) but it was about who can afford what. Basically I'm not implying anything but if you really give it a thought, it could be possible.

First, India. Big country and sure there's a lot of people but how many of them afford a mobile phone and how many of them can afford sending so much SMS to vote their Idol? Indonesia. Same as India. Big population and same as about who can afford doing so.

Second, Malaysia. Their population compared to us definately bigger then us but tell me then, how many girl fans willing to vote for their Idol as their idol is a female as well? (unless you're a lesbian. No offense ladies) So there's a possibility that they do voted for their Idol and Singapore as well. I don't think the guy fans actually even bothered about Asian Idol. I think they rather watch soccer. Unless you are like that guy in my previous post.( -_-'') Vietnam. Possibilities, they thought since Singapore is small so they thought it doesn't hurt to vote for them. I guess same goes with Philippines.

So pretty much I just got that idea about the voting since my sister sound me off about money wise and also cultural wise when sending the Idol to compete with World Idol. That I will not touch on the topic as we know it's sensitive when comes about other country's culture.

Anyways even if all these allegations are wrong. You could always look at it this way.

Hady Mirza is Just Too Hot. Who won't vote for him?

(well I didn't)

RedRulz.

Idols..

2007-12-16T02:34:00.000-08:00

Music. Strange isn't it? How powerful music are? By just rhythm you can understand someone's emotions, or through a melody and how harmonious that melody is you can picture a color they paints through music. That's how music suppose to be.

Sadly some don't see it that way or should I say they just don't understand yet the concept of music that it is not only for you to sing them or perform for them but to sent a message through your music. If it's not your music, well, feel them and show them how you feel for the music. Yes you may be a good singer but I believe you are not a good conveyor.

I believe that's what the judges are trying to say about today's first Asian Idol. Well yeah. I did watch. Not that I'm a fan of Hady Mirza like that guy shown on tv(and goodness if I were to be interviewed like that in the show infront of an INTERNATIONAL TELEVISION, I would definitely commit suicide. Or become a permanent resident of Indonesia and not come back to Singapore if I were a Singaporean). Goodness he was wearing a t-shirt saying Hady's Fan Club. YES! HE! A male. Two hanging between the two legs with a pole. YES. Gosh I feel so insulted already.

Goodness you don't talk like that in front of an international television. Yes I'll say it again in CAPSLOCK. AGAIN!(just kidding) INTERNATIONAL TELEVISION. Goodness. Did you know that you just confessed to the whole Asian region that you would suck for him and really give him to screw your ass?(well Hady's hot yes and of course who wouldn't but not in front of television) Gosh! Don't ever talk like that in front of the camera unless you are on a gay show. Well enough of him. Commercial breaks over. Back to the Idols.

Their performance was really great and after the first half (that lasts for 1 hour) I was putting my money on the Philippines Idol. She really got strong vocals but I just couldn't ignore that did she ate something yellow cause her tongue looks dirty.(lol?) Couldn't really help looking at it when she was singing. Singapore did ok. Malaysian, well, she performs well. It was almost like it was her concert. Indonesian Idol the ugly but adorable which is the same as the term cute. He did to my preference, not that good. Well either the sound system was out or he didn't sing loud enough. I just feel the music was over powering his music so I couldn't really hear him. Vietnam Idol the hot hot gorgeous girl that all the guys are eyes on. She's only 20 and dress up like she's 30. Yes. My sister says that she looks almost like Zoe Tay. I agree with her. Not bad voice and good too. India Idol. Hmmm... No comment? Well not bad for his first english song.

That was first half. The second half. Philippines Idol. I don't feel it but just a good vocalist. Singapore Idol. I don't feel it but a hyper active song, "Beautiful Day" being sung like it was just a normal day, disappointing. Malaysian Idol. Wow! If you close your eyes to her malay song,"Germilang" she's good but seeing her performing it, she sure having a hard time singing it. Vietnam Idol. I don't understand vietnam language but sure she still dress up like she's 36 plus this time but I believe she sung the song beautifully just the song was like, draggy. Indonesian Idol. If he believe he could fly well I would love to see that but his singing not bad but I just feel something is missing. India Idol? Sad but true, the music is over powering his singing. So to me it's just another loss but it was sure a nice fast Hindi song.

So this time who would I put my money on? I wasn't sure at first because either they are all too serious in becoming Asian Idol or they are just not working on it. I don't feel the soul in their music and even their expression that it really shows they really want to win this so they are like "playing safe". Anyways I would put my money on Malaysian Idol (doesn't mean I'm going to vote though). Well seriously, good vocalist, confident and very commercialize. Still it wasn't up to me to decide because the whole Asia will have to vote for their favorite artist and they have to vote a second artist. So to speak you are voting for someone you love and someone who deserve your vote as well. Still either way, I don't think Singapore could win.

One word why. POPULATION. Just look at Singapore. Which idiot would actually spent at least $600 times 4 billion people(population of Singapore I think) and that if we want to be idiot too, just to make Singapore Idol be Asian Idol. (Oh and each SMS cost 60cents so I take it 1000 times 4 billion would really make a big vote for Singapore Idol to win.) Well I don't think Singapore would actually do that. Even Ken the Singapore Idol now Asian Idol as well says it but in a nicer and really-make-people-think way and if they are fast enough they know what he's talking about.

So this is going to be interesting who's going to win the Asian Idol and I believe the only two that can really win is the Malaysian Idol or Philippines Idol because of their strong vocals. Popularity wise, Singapore and Vietnam Idol. Population wise, Indonesia and India Idol. So let's just wait who will win them.

Either way,it doesn't matters to me. Why?

What doesn't makes me a happier man, I don't give a damn.

RedRulz.

Strange thoughts..

2007-12-10T16:28:00.000-08:00

Isn't nature weird and strange at the same time? I sometimes wonder what's its purpose for doing something so strange. Sometime we think simple on how it works and why but have we even thought of looking deeper into it for its meaning?

Scientist says the weather is hot because of global warming. Too much carbon dioxide being release into the atmosphere. It rains because the water vapor in the air gets too condense and heavy that's why it drops and becomes rain. Winds are causes by the different air pressure causes by the uneven heating of the Earth's surface. Earthquakes due to the collision of the Earth's crust. So they got the reasons but do we know why it happens? For what reasons behind it?

I guess not even a single scientist could answer to that question. Or they could but every scientist in the world would give different answers and could really lead to a new conflict on who's right or who's wrong. I hope no wars would have to be involve just because of this comment and answers.

But also I believe even this question were to be publicize, even religious leaders would come into play. The act of God. Because God's will. Well we sure know God works in mysterious ways but why do us humans love challenging Him? Or should I say, defy the work He does? There must be a reason why all these are happening. Does anyone ever think of it why?

So came the time where everyone fear most, the Apocalypse what have we done to hinder it from happening? Was it because it's God's will even the scientist couldn't do anything from it? From all I see only the religious leaders are doing something. Putting back faith into us knowing that we will be save by Him when the time comes.

I guess the scientist in the world couldn't do anything because it haven't happen yet. Maybe after it had happen then they will know what to do. If so, then I wouldn't say science is god. God is God. No one can ever be compared to Him and only He exist as one god but no one else. Gosh now I feel a bit religious(but I'm not, Seriously).

Well I was just wondering about this old anime that I just finished watching called X (24 episode in total but it's called X-tv so it doesn't sounded like porn). About two different believes and obviously it exist in two group. Dragon of Heaven with the 7 Seals and Dragon of Earth with the 7 Angels (yeah I thought so too. Heaven with Seals and Earth with Angels. Sounds like wrong combo).

The Seals believe the earth should remain as it is and believe that one day human will change for the better of earth that what we've destroyed and pollute will be restored by us humans. The Angels believe that they should wipe our the whole entire civilization and let earth restore by itself.

How the story ends? Well you've got to watch it yourself then (well Dragon of Heaven wins but seriously I teared watching this Anime, too much death and the storyline quite sad when comes to protecting someone you love) but the anime was not my point. I was just thinking are we really worth living in this world? For the things we've done in destroying the world we lived in because for a better future of ours what did we do to repay on the ground we walk on? More destructions?

For something to live on for a better future I don't want anything to be destroyed. Yes I know as a Singaporean we did contribute to the world's destruction. The marine ecosystem. Every land we reclaim just destroying the homes of the marine life. I not sure what Singapore did to repay what they've took but I'm hoping we did something.

Gosh now I feel like one mother nature earth lover or something. Well sometimes I do feel that way but there's nothing I can do to stop what they've been doing. I still want to see the bright blue sky. I love the sky a lot. I told Ririn that I love the sky and she ask why. I don't really have a proper answer to it but every time I look at they sky, I feel stress free.

Of course I do love the oceans too. The beach. The sounds of seas. I don't want to see them with floating dead fish or dead animals or rubbish that we human throw into the seas. I've got to admit it's really easy just letting them being thrown away when there's no rubbish bin around but just think of it that people would do that to your own home.

So there's a lot of thing that we really take things for granted. For every thing we had and every little things we enjoyed we never really think of it twice what we've been doing all these while. Pretty much for myself as well. I believe after I've wrote this blog I would still goes on to my old habits. So why bother I write right?

Well, my reason to that is because...

At least I care.

RedRulz.

Job For A Day..

2007-12-06T20:45:00.000-08:00

Interested? Yes it's only a day! Well, a friend of mine ask me if I wanted to work for a day? And I was like, sounds good to me. So he send my an SMS saying this;

Thanks alot please come down on sat/sun 2pm to 5pm for interview #15-02/04 far east shopping ctr (next to liat towers) with valid Singapore passport photocopy only cause job is at the new terminal 3 changi airport, bring along many friends,family,uncles,aunties,boy/girl friends or anybody (more then 15 pax commission given), age 17 to 55 yrs. join the biggest get-together at T3 for a day only, time requred only 2.5 to 3.5 hours and get paid, sms yes u received msg.see you soon.job is only survey,filling form and act like a passenger on dec 13.

For a moment I was like not bad job. Survey, filling form and act like a passenger. Only one day job to get paid. Then again. This came into my mind when I read the message again;

Thanks alot please come down on sat/sun [weekends something smells fishy] 2pm to 5pm [why 2 to 5? late afternoon where people finishes work?] for interview #15-02/04 [Hmm.. isn't that an office? opens on weekends?] far east shopping ctr (next to liat towers) with valid Singapore passport photocopy [Now I feel like a foreigner plus maid applying a job] only cause job is at the new terminal 3 changi airport [wow this is great I'm working at T3], bring along many friends,family,uncles,aunties,boy/girl friends or anybody [an alien perhaps?] (more then 15 pax commission given) [commission given? what's this? SALES?], age 17 to 55 yrs. join the biggest get-together [ biggest get together? is this going to be in the guinness record book? I don't mind] at T3 for a day only, time requred only 2.5 to 3.5 hours and get paid [which other job can offer that?], sms yes u received msg [hmm? I should reply to my friend yes?].see you soon.job is only survey,filling form and act like a passenger on dec 13 [that's easy, but I still feels something fishy].

It looks great really but I just don't feel right about this. If they really want to make this the biggest get-together, why not put it in the papers or air it in the radio? Make the front page headline,"We Welcome You To Changi Airport Terminal 3 For The Biggest Get-Together On 13 December 2007 And You Will Get Paid!". Or maybe give a prize or door gift like,"First 1000 Gets Our Complete Set Of SIA Utensils. Next 2000 Get Our Very Own SIA Pillow And Blanket". Well you get the idea.

What else that make this doesn't feels right? Why pass the messages through SMS? It could be a prank or con artist and further more this is involving my International Passport. Who knows they need new numbers to make a fake of their own? These are like the little detail that really make you think again. Too many con artist happening in Singapore and it really doesn't hurt to take few precautions.

Bring 15 pax get commission? Sounds to me like a Multi Level Marketing to me. 1 person brings 15 person you'll get commission. Then each of the 15 brings 15 other person gets commission as well to the first person who brought the 15. Confusing? I know.. That's MLM to me.

So how do we know if this SMS is saying the truth? There's no way I can say it but I have to ask again the sender if it's true. Anyway still, it doesn't hurt to try either. So now with this blog I'm asking all the readers," Anyone free this Saturday and Sunday?" Haha!! Well if it's a fraud we all could have a Get-Together of our own. The bloggers. World Biggest Get-Together Bloggers. Haha!! Anyway if you all up for it, Tag me..

PS: Dil you know what? Ririn got DRUNK drinking Pokka Blueberry yesterday. Haha! Now that's a different story.

RedRulz.

Little Thoughts...

2007-12-06T18:00:00.000-08:00

First of all thank you for making my blog 51 hits for only just few days. Did you people promote my blog or just that few of yous been refreshing the page? Haha.. Anyways, I thank you for visiting.

I don't really have any good ideas or interesting topics but just as it says, they are just my little thoughts. Also from what I happen to think about during the process of making this entry. Like it's happening right now.

Yesterday, I went back to that godforsaken camp. Well to do my clearance actually (I know it's been like past my ORD but I still haven't do my clearance). I should have take mother nature's sign (or God if you like to think it that way) that yesterday wasn't an ordinary rain. It was preventing me from going back to camp and I only find out why when I reached camp.

Every commander was having an exercise. Really wasting my time coming back to camp. The best part of it that the rain got heavier when I reached my company line. Goodness. Such a perfect timing for me to be falling asleep but I didn't sleep. In fact, I found out something interesting.

The battalion would like the men to do.. How should I say this.. An art work that represents our company. Funny that other companies did theirs on the ground floor beside their storeroom. Well as a proud The Braves, we did ours on the staircase walls and it was really a shocking one too. Even as a well known for being screwed-up-company-but-always-triumph-when-comes-to-challenges we sure have lots of talented artist in our company. Like this one for an example...

[cool huh?]

Well that's was just a teaser. It was painted over in red after that "Owe money Pay money" was written on the wall. Now for some serious stuff.

[This is the work of platoon 5. The mysterious guy is the artist.]

[Love the black and white and red.]

[This is the work of platoon 6. My most favorite art piece. Feels like I'm at Far East Plaza.]

[FYI: This motto was a trademark of platoon 4. Wonder why it's doing here..]

Well all these are still under construction. Hopefully I'll get to see the completed work during their ORD parade. Oh if you are wonder where's my platoon's work, erm.. They've only painted the background but nothing else was done yet. Basically none of them got the motivation to do anything because none of them are like working together. I guess things never really change in the platoon even I tried making them working together.

Oh if you notice why "Bravery" and "Bravo" was painted. This is the reason why..

[Taken from our company shirt. No sure who thought of the motto though.]

If you have guessed my platoon suppose to paint "Brotherhood" hook me up I'll give you a prize. So much for brotherhood when my platoon is the one platoon that can't really work together as one. Surprisingly only during missions we are united. Of course I do know they will make Bravo proud. As one.

RedRulz.

New Beginning Of An Ending

2007-12-03T03:02:00.000-08:00

ORD.. Operational Ready Date. Mine was yesterday. Well if the date turns out 3rd December 2007 on my blog then it means yesterday. If not then I guess it would still be today. Well I'll only find that out once I post this entry.

What does ORD means to me? No more waking up early, no more training, no more outfield, no more cleaning of weapons, no more guard duty.. Well make it simple, no more doing things I'm forced to do.

In another perspective what does ORD means to me? Need a job, boring life again, getting fatter, no free food, water and electricity, no place to sleep.. Make things simple again, some how, I rather be in camp then home. Haha. Bet you all thinking I should have change my ORD with yours right? Haha.

So what I'm going to miss in the army? My friends. The people whom I grew up for one and a half years. The hardships we've been through. Taiwan and especially Brunei (forsaken place please never let me go there again for training). The fights. Not punching or smashing or smacking but war fights. Yes we know it's just a simulation but still knowing we are victory after all the fights, it really gives you the feeling of an achievement that you made through the war (yes a lot would say we are all actors but if you really think you can do it too, well be my guest in taking over my place).

What kind of memories you've attained in my army life? My BMTC times. Basic Military Training Centre School 1 Eagle Company. The company that dares the challenges that always befall upon us. A place where first strangers become good comrades and become a family. Well within 6 months we sure bonded well but after we were in different vocations, slowly we know lesser of each other. Then came 4SIR, another Eagle but this time it's a Battalion. Same spirit but different type of family. Survival is the key. Made lots of good friends and buddies and got a strong connections and I really survive the years. Training had never been easier in a Unit though but with all the encouragement and my strong will, I didn't give up. I carried on until my last day.

Which memories would you cherish most? All my outfield while training in 4SIR. Pasir Labar, Lim Chu Kang, Mandai, Brunei and Taiwan. Different places, different type of outfields and encounter different type of situations. Funny and sad all mixed together I'll never forget them. The blood that had spilled and sweat losses all was really to be remembered. Not forgetting having to sleep on a hard ground and sometimes wet freezing night but after all that we sure love our packets of maggie mee. Believe me it taste different in the jungle.

What is the most worst experience? Well night walks. Especially when you have to walk by the graveyards at 2 - 3 in the morning. Then go on bashing through the vegetation, walk on slippery grounds and deep swamps (well it was knee length). That is really tiresome. Still, the ultimate worst experience is Brunei. Hell no I want to go there again. The walks are a killer and not forgetting the weather there. Close to like Singapore but just that it's really humid. If you are ever lost in the jungle, pray you'll find someone else there or a nearby road. Brunei is really scary and it is really a place never to be underestimate.

What are the advice I would give for the recruit to be? If you planning to be a clerk, storeman and driver, you are really a shame to the world (unless you got no choice). If you planning to go into infantry, guards, commando, SISPEC or OCS, you have my respect and never give up. Not to forget, never look down on Combat Medics. Make sure you give them your full respect. The medics in the Medical Centre, case to case basis.

So did I enjoy my army life? Hmmm.. Tough one.. (*roll my eyes* stupid question) HELL YEAH I DID!! Overlooking the bad things that had happened and looking at the triumph that I've achieve, of course it was good experience. Not everyone can do what I've been through. I'm proud to be a soldier. In infantry. As a rifleman. A S.A.W. gunner.

So there you have it. My glimpse of my army life. May not be as colorful but still I just want to share my say. Like all other ORD personnel would say,

OH AR DEE Oh!!!
RedRulz

For preview purpose..

2007-11-30T22:08:00.000-08:00

I was told to put at least one post for a preview..

how convenient..

Here's a post...

RedRulz.