Feelings..

It's better to have loved and lost
than
never to have love at all.

Reflecting it on myself, I'm fortunate what I was loved before. I guess I can't really relate the second part of the phrase. Pretty much by just seeing this sentence it really hurts to be at the other side but some people think otherwise.



To Have Loved And Lost.

To have loved and lost is hurting. It could make one go insane, doing unthinkable things and make irrational decision. Pretty much it could harm someone if he/she isn't strong enough. Lost of appetite, lost hopes and could also possibly lost everything that he/she believe in. In other words, they lock themselves and threw the key away and lose all the screws they have in their brains. It could really be that deadly but not everyone are like that.



The stronger ones will move on and continue living on with the pain in their hearts and knowing that one day there will be someone to amend their broken hearts. Putting much faith in destiny and humanity that they will hope to never have to go through such pain again if ever to have a new love. Not to forget, praying to the God they worship.



Some stronger once gave up the opposite sex and go with the same. Now that's hurting. This is true and seriously I can't side either one of them of who to blame. They have their own reasons and they have their own preference. Until today most of us wondered why. Now that is something for all of us to think and find out.



Still there are the forth kind to this too. Gave up on love and just prefer to be alone. Seems like loneliness can be the only friend they have or should I say love. Choose to live their life alone as so not to break their own hearts and others. Knowing that they were once loved and had done once in their life time, was a satisfaction to them and it was enough. So to speak they could die peacefully.



Than Never To Have Love At All.

This is something I can't relate at all but to be in their shoes it's kind of depressing. The urge to love someone special in their life seems not happening or no one to give them love. Feel all alone and sad. No one to share their feelings to. As if like no one open their hearts to them as if they are a jinx to the society. Pretty it seems this group of people are the ones suffering most. Being alone since their school days until now by the age to 24. Now that's terrible.



Results of this effect is seriously kind of make me thinking. Is it worth it to be on this side or the other? To have loved and lost or never to have love at all? As for me I'm already belong to the group To Have Loved And Lost and to my experience, yes it was terrible feeling at first but as time passes by, we move on and with that we gain something that is to be strong and not to give up. Although I gave up on hope and just be like the wind. Let it blows to which ever direction it takes me and if someone to take me in, I'll go with them. Then again, I do want to be loved again but I'm just scared. But to think of myself in Never To Have Love At All, I'll be a super sad guy.



So I believe everyone should get a fair share of love. Not only for couples. Although he/she may not be special but as a friend. To remind them that they are not alone in this world. To remind them that they will always be remembered no matter how long and how far they have gone. That they will always be in our hearts.





Happy Valentine's Day everyone.


RedRulz.

Laughter

Just talked about suicide bombing and we had a suicide explosion about two days back. Reports says 90 were injured and sent to a hospital. The explosion was in a station in Colombo. The SMS I receive from New_Flash didn't really says if it were a train station or a bus station. Ever since I've change my phone line to a 3G line I keep getting such updates but this one kind of freaky as I just talk about suicide bombings and now it happen just the very next day. Weird but true.






Anyway today's posting is nothing serious but just a good laugh. Yes it's still on suicide bombings but this is seriously hilarious. As you will know it, it's making fun about who. Regardless it was a good humor. Enjoy the clip.

Achmed The Dead Terrorist.

RedRulz.

Dead

In the loving memory of
Muhammad Syaiful
29/05/1984 - 01/02/2008
A loving son.
A very loyal friend.

He died at such a young age leaving lots of thing behind. He died by his own will. It seems like he just had too much on his mind and it leads him to his death. He will be missed by all his friends and especially his family. A person who always smiles and seems like never really show his emotion much to his family but he was much closer to his friend. He never gives up on his belief and always have high hopes in every thing he does. He's not a quitter but I guess everyone has its limit and today we see how fragile human minds are when comes to stressed up situation. He left us a note before he plunge to his death and it seems he want us to read his last words before he left this world.





"Beloved family and friends. It has been a while that I've shared my problems with you. I thought I could do it by myself but I guess because of me trying to be kind to the people I love the most, I didn't want you to get involve. I was looking for another answer to my problems but all this while and silence, I was so lost, I couldn't find them. As close as I could get it, it leads me to a new problem and they keep adding up and I just couldn't seems to handle it well. Anyway I just want to thank you for being there for me always. My family. My friends. My love ones. I'm seriously in your debt but seems like I didn't have the chance to repay them. Before I leave this world I pray for your safety living in this harsh world. Always be strong in what ever you do and never give up. I didn't give up. It's just that I'm going to die too either way I took this jump or not. At least I leave this world a momentarily flight. Smile and be happy always. I love you."







Well I'm still alive. That's for sure. It was just a scenario of a situation. I thought to be more realistic I use my own name and my own feelings of why I would do a suicide. As much as I do hate living in this world but I don't have enough strength to move to that step so I'm pretty much confident that I won't do it.





Anyway why death? I don't know really but seems like a place where I always sits about 4 years ago brings me back all those memories where I always thought to just die and not live again. It just bring back those emotions that I kept so long but the situation above have nothing to do with my own personal life. I was just exaggerating things as part of the feelings I had 4 years ago.






So what is my point in talking about death? It wasn't just death. It was more like suicide and leaving behind everything just because you can't solve the problems on your own. Come to think of it I was just trying to be considerate that I didn't want other people to be involve in my problems so I distant myself from my friends and family. Then the problems just keeps piling up like nobody business so it leads me to suicide. Sick but it's just a scenario.





Anyway this is just one of the reason why suicide happens. There's a lot more of other situation like drugs, pregnancy, break ups, financial and anything under the sun that you could think of. Some even kill them self because their pets died so they want to die together. Sick bastard. Fall in love with a man or a woman. Never an animal. Seriously I hate those suicidal people. Even sometimes I think of it too but to do a suicide means you are just a coward. There's always a solution to everything that we do in this world. Even if you're infected with a disease it doesn't means you could do a suicide because you feel that you rather die then lived with the humiliation. It's just wrong. Live your life to the fullest.






Still suicide doesn't ends there. There's suicide bombings too. Now that is wickedly sick bastards. They thought by doing it would be to a such honor. My hairy ass honor that I'll give you. Seriously I just can't see why these people actually do such suicide bombing? Don't they appreciate their own life? Or are they THAT stupid thinking they would go to heaven if they do such honorable job? More like stupid job. I really pity those people who got trap in those brainwashed situation and worst, especially in suicide bombings.






So there's two types of suicide so far I know. One is personal suicide. The other is terrorist suicide. Still both of them are the most stupid thing on Earth. I just can't believe they really think suicide is the answer. Have they ever thought that their problems never leave? It just keeps adding up even if you leave this world. The one affected are your close ones. Don't you care for any of them? If you do then don't attempt suicide. Don't even think of suicide because it's stupid.




I am also stupid just thinking of it but I'm still smart. Why?














Because I'm alive.



RedRulz.

Bored...

Argh.. Stretching myself after sitting in front of the computer for almost 12 hours. Seriously, I'm bored. Pretty much for two days in a row I've been lazying around at home doing nothing. Well so to speak if I had no cash for what I leave home right? Still staying at home is seriously boring. Watching tv that keep showing the same shows and same skit and same cartoon simply making me superbly bored. Starhub cable please, you need to change your movies already. NO CLASSIC MOVIE PLEASE!!






So why didn't I going out? Well I actually had plans. Going out with my sergeant but don't know why seems like either he didn't want to go out or he just got no mood or tired. Maybe he's still playing the new game of his. Who cares? LOL. Still, at least inform me, don't make me wait for a fruit that never falls (tunggu sampai buah tak jatuh).






Good thing I had something to keep me occupy. Yeah. Sue me. I declare myself I'm a Mapler so sue me. For being over aged and playing such a children's game. You got a problem for an early twenty guy playing MapleStory? Sue me. As if MapleStory requires an age limit for playing but one thing for sure, cartoon graphics and silly looking monster are for kids but having a marrying scheme and silly love over an online game, that's just corrupting a kids mind. Love each other because of items over the online game, goodness, teaching kids to be materialistic?







Never mind that I'll talk more on MapleStory as and when I had the time. The game was just a time-killer. Though sometimes I got too serious I just give reasons not to leave home because I want to play the game. Yeah, sue me, again.






So what have I been doing all day?


Woke up at 8am. MapleStory.

12pm. Break. Lunch.

1pm. Watch tv. The Mummy.( Never really get sick of this movie.)

3pm. MapleStory.

6.30pm. Break. Dinner.

7pm. Tv no good shows, back to MapleStory(and I was still waiting for that call or SMS).

10pm. Break. Blogging on how boring my day was.








SOMEBODY ENTERTAIN ME!! LOL. I so need a new life. Being ORDed and broke and not wanting to work because I'm still waiting for the application to go back to school is seriously BORING! HELP!! Argh, if only one day I could find just one stack, I repeat, ONE STACK of $50 notes, it's enough for me to go out for this 4 months. Oh My GawD!! I just realize. It's going to be that long!!





I guess that just have to put aside. I just have to endure it then. I guess I just have to go out tomorrow. Maybe go for a run until I faint since I've been gaining weight these past one month. Funny, even I didn't have enough sleep and I still gain weight. No I wasn't on MapleStory.






Oh, I just remembered. I wanted to go to the library tomorrow. Hell no idea what ever for. I guess I just need to go out. Funny library goes to my mind first. Normally I'll just think of Jurong Point. Weird. Maybe I'm just being too bored that I can't think of an exciting place so my mind tells me go to a boring place. LOL! Maybe I need to pick up my reading habits again.






Believe it or not I bought this book called,"How To Talk To Anyone. 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationship." ROFLMAO. I'm so laughing at myself every time I see that book. For your information, it's on the floor doing nothing. I don't know why I buy that book. Maybe because I just feel I need a communication skill but seeing that book every time just makes me laugh. Laughing at a looser as myself. LOL.






Argh, I guess I just need to give my life a new spice into it or bring back the old spices from Tekong BMTC School 1. For example,

0530 hrs Reveille (as if I can wake up at this hour again.)
0600 hrs Breakfast (erm.. bread jam milo? don't have..)
0730 hrs ET Jog (I think 0800hr I can la.. Just wake up.)
0900 hrs Army stuff (what shoud i put myself..Maple?)
1200 hrs Lunch (one quater rice, two vege sides and one meat and fruit? LOL)
1330 hrs Army stuff (More Maple? or blog? LOL)
1600 hrs ET Jog (Lazy la.. Sleep can?)
1800 hrs Dinner (erm. same as lunch? LOL.. I think I'll have Mc Spicy LOL)
2000 hrs Last Parade ( report to who? Computer.. LOL)
2200 hrs Lights off (erm.. Maple? oh sleep? LOL)



That was part of it what I can remember but these only happen on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Tuesday and Thursday more on static training. Haiz.. Miss my Tekong life. It was more fun then just staying at home doing nothing but eat, maple and sleep.






Guess this is what my feeling now. Bored and just wish I could turn back the hands of time. I guess I wasn't ready to ORD. LOL. Right. Well I guess I'll update something more interesting some other time. For now this is my life, my rules.







So now you know...








Who RedRulz truly is.. (I'm a Mapler dumbAss! Did you even read?)





RedRulz.

Choice..

"The human consciousness that originates in the brain and is manifested especially in thought, perception, emotion, will, memory and imagination. It is also the collective conscious and unconscious process in a sentient organism that direct and influence mental and physical behavior." - MIND.





Pretty much I find this very interesting. Like one of a the line says by Major Chip Hazard,"A mind is a terrible thing to waste." Though in the movie it was talking about a memory chip that acts like a mind in each of every toy soldiers. Actually memory chips is a mind as well. Just that it is computerize.





Both memory chips and minds are the same thing. The only different is that memory chips are needed to be program for them to think but minds doesn't need to program. We are already doing it on our own as we are growing up. Maybe, that is programming in human terms. Learning that is, but still we already have the ability to think when we are born.





Think about it. If any of you have a baby at home, either yours or your sibling's or relatives, you'll notice that a baby really thinks for themselves. When they are hungry they'll cry. When they are sleepy, they'll cry. Well so to speak when they need something to their pleasure or should I say needs, they'll cry.
Why they cry? They are still a baby, you don't expect them to shout,"MUMMY I WANT MILK!!" right? Goodness, I'll so be terrified seeing a baby already know 4 syllabus when they are just new born. Still that how our mind work when we were an infant. Then you've already know the rest like the word educations.





So what am I getting here? Basically just the thoughts of mind and the appreciation of mind. Pretty much I need lots of minds in writing this entry as a friend of mine did ask me, when am I going to update my blog and actually I had troubling in writing as my mind can't seems to be focusing and there you go, an inspiration to talk. Finally.






Why mind? Pretty much it's in everyone's life and after finding out about the definition of mind, it really surprises me on how powerful a mind is. Even if we are born not highly educated, we sure have some capabilities in one way or another that no one can have, or could be similar just that no one knows about it, and still this will leads to one thing, your mind.






As much as we know how strong the mind is, it could also over powering the weaker minds. Like, brainwash. For someone who doesn't think much will be easily be fool by things they thought it was a good idea but they didn't know that they were, in a way, being cheated like for an example by a salesmen. No offense but seems to me everyone I know says that to me. Even us being Singaporean, we know something is up but we still choose to go with it, why? Because we don't have a stronger mind and because of majority, we can't really opposes them can we?






So if there were to be a stronger mind in amongst us bloggers and readers, I was just wondering why none of us seems to speak our minds a lot? Was it because some people thought it would be selfish of us not thinking straight or it was selfish of us thought we could oppose the majority or is it because, we are scared? I'm not saying that everything we says or some people may think I'm saying is right but there's got to be a reason why we aren't voicing out?






So what is the reason to all this questionable questions? I only have one believe in that. We do really have a weak mind don't we? But then why am I having this thought about voicing out our minds? Because I believe we have our rights. If I don't then why do others have to rights to tell us to do and we have to obey them? Is that right? Maybe not all of it but still we are humans and not computers that could easily programmed. We are humans just like others in this world we have choices. So people of the world choose to SPEAK YOUR MIND!!





In any case, life have to go on. It's just how strong your mind is. Sometimes when we choose to do something, when it can't goes our way it just have to sway. Once when we can to do something we choose then we could use the opportunity given to do it. Only one problem, look out for mistakes.







So do bear this in mind.

You are never wrong.

Until someone prove you so.

RedRulz - (09/01/2008 2.36pm)

RedRulz.

Denial..

I know it's late
And I know it's true
No matter what's the date,
I'm still in love with you.
Listening to our song
Our sweet memories flows within my brain.
Now realizing that you are gone,
The only thing my heart fills is pain.
Not knowing what to do with my life
And I know it's nothing new.
The next thing I'm saying to you is not a lie,
I miss you and still want to be with you.

Only God Knows.. I'm Living In Denial.. -RedRulz(10/05/2005 04.12am)

That was really me and my composing. I compose them and it was seriously three years ago. Ririn and SheildLeo knows about this or maybe they have forgotten them. Pretty much I am a confuse person. Sometimes I want things to go my way and sometimes I just go with the flow. I believe I'm like the wind. Unpredictable. It comes and go. (it comes and go) Sounds like something that I experience a lot.





Some beginning I had. For the year of 2008. Seems to me someone or I myself is trying to break the barrier I had kept for a full year. I guess I'm weak or I just choose to go with the flow knowing I might be hurt or get disappointed at or the worst of all, I put my friends behind, my closest friend.





What am I talking about? The 'L' word. No not the lesbian show. It's love. Pretty much I know what it's like to be love and what it's like to have someone to love and give it to. Or maybe I thought I knew. Maybe I need to buy 'Love guide for Dummies'. Haha. That will be the first thing I need to get for this year. That will so be embarrassing.






Either way I just don't feel ready or maybe I'm just confuse. I don't like things to go bad or it'll just go away like it never happens. I also want my friends to be around me. I don't want them to stray me. Yes lots of things will be different and yes, you could pile them up for our end year Hall Of SHAME. Now that will be a good laugh again at Coffee Bean Boat Quay.






Argh.. This is so killing me. I hate this feeling. I want it but I don't want it. I want to have it but I want all of it. I just don't want to end it once it's start. Gosh I'm so confuse. Someone please just put me to sleep so I won't wake up. At least for three months. Why three? One for family, one for my friends, one for the myself. These three are something I hold so dear.






What's my weakness? Great Smile, coolness, funny, mysterious, great voice, nice scent, presentable. Hell, what am I talking about? Denial denial denial. Why can't I just seems to accept the way things are? Why can't other see that this is troubling me mind? Why do people like to play other people's feelings? Argh!! Sometimes I wish I'm born blind so I don't have to like anyone I see. Sometimes I wish I've never been born at all.







I don't know where this is going to lead me. Seems I just can't get my head right. The choices still yet to be made and I could choose just let both go and keep them in a safe place where I won't be hurt. After a bad experience of losing someone to someone I can't even compared to is really hurting and I've never felt so down in my whole entire 21 years of my life. The scar was so big it's hard to forget.






Listening to this song currently in my blog some how give me the spirit to move on. I am not alone. Think of it, there are others shared the same fate or maybe worst but I hope they are luckier then me because my life is already as bad as it is. Only I've been putting a smile in every walks of my life hiding my sadness and problems.






I guess that's the best part of being a Gemini. We are good pretenders and actors. We care too much of others but we don't care for ourselves. We can't make good decision but we sure make hell out of it. We are great listeners but sometimes we just can't say the right words and sometimes we give bad advice.







I don't know. Maybe I'm just one of the bad Geminis being born. But one thing is for sure.

Life could be better if things are easy for us
but
if things are easy, what does your life means to you?

RedRulz - (02/01/2008 11.35am)

RedRulz.

Memories of 2007

Here it comes again. End of the year. This will be the day where people will be wearing their best clothings and will be out with their friends and pretty much getting drunk, party or just chill. Bloggers will talk about their lives in 2007 in their entry today. Others, may have just chill at home watching TV for the New Year's Countdown. As for me, pretty much everything (but I'm getting drunk drinking Pokka tea and hell I'm going out too).




This has been a pretty long and bumpy journey for me. Still 2007 is a best year for me. Why? Well, looking at the record, I'm dateless for the year. Single and not available for the year. Pretty much I manage to fulfill that want for the year. My heart was save for 2007.





Other then from being broken hearted, I went to a beautiful country that is Taiwan. Although it was for training but I'll never forget the view of Chelsea-Yami, my navigation time in Taiwan and the people there (because sometimes I have this liking for a chinese). It was really a good memory.




What else happen in 2007 for me? Oh, I got promoted from Private to Corporal even though I didn't pass my IPPT or SOC. Well I don't know how that happen but it was told because I was a hard working soldier and it seems I just never give up. So they were impress with it and yes they promoted me.




I was being introduced to a very good animation. Bleach. Favorite Japanese anime ever for the year of 2007. Hopefully more to come just like Bleach. To all readers who love animation please give it a try watching Bleach. If you like swords, magic or hollow(bad spirit) hunting do try watch it. Until today's date it has reached episode 154. So it's not that far to catch up.




So did I get everything I wanted to do in 2007? Tough question but I didn't have any resolution all my life before. Even I were to say what I want to achieve or what I want to do all ended up just fillers for me that are useless. So I believe I do get what I want to achieve. Basically nothing. Haha. I really have no life.




So 2008 coming in about few hours time. What is my resolution for 2008? Nothing again perhaps? Maybe. A relationship? Still thinking. Lose weight? Definitely quite impossible with me having no discipline at all but I believe maybe a few kg. At least 10kg in 6 months time. Work? Definitely yes. Just not sure what kind of a 'proper' job fits me.




I'm not sure if all these are going to be fillers again but I'm sure I have to work. That is a need. For love and weight, it's just something I want to do but maybe I'll just be dateless again next year. Unless someone plan to prove that wrong to me. Either way I believe I'll be fine because no matter what I do or happen, my smile will never fade.






Anyways, come to think again there is something I achieve for 2007.





Something that really took a very long time.





Something that I endured and finally I get to finish it in one piece.













I ORDed on 2nd December 2007.

At least that is Something.








RedRulz.