Lost..

Sometimes things going on around my life just makes me thinking. What do I want in life? Being the age of 23 and soon to be 24 I still can't decide what I really want in life. As stressful I am thinking about it over and over again I just seems not to have any ambition towards my life in the future. I don't even know what or where do I see myself in 5 years time to come.


Everyone in my life seems like to move on so perfectly. Having better educations, better jobs, getting married, having kids on their own and so on. Me? I just have, nothing. The time when my life stops improving was after my poly days. After I was kicked out from school, which lots of my friends keep saying that I QUIT, it just stop.


Love suck and I don't even know what is actual love. What was the true reason to have a companion by your side? What does watching movie with the person you love most was suppose to mean? What does spending time with the person you love suppose to make any difference from your own friends? Does having a companion means you have a new life or is it important to have a companion?


My opinion, they are just same normal people around you. There's not much different from your own friend. Just that friends don't kiss, hug you while watching a movie or sent you home to your door steps and give a peck on the side of the lips before you close the doors. So was that the reason why we want a companionship in our life or was it another reason? What is it?


Jobs. I'm ok with anything. You teach me, I learn and I'll do my job to the fullest. Not giving myself credit but this is what I see about myself when ever I got a job. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (CBTL). One of the job I enjoyed the most. First it started awkwardly and too many things to remember but soon after I could do things with my eyes close. Not literally though. Then I started meeting new people, hearing work gossips, late nights makan sessions and not forgetting clubbing sessions. Haha. Sadly it ended when I got myself into army.


Then in the army was my most peaceful days of my two years life. I didn't had to worry about school, work or a job. All I had to do was make my sergeants and sirs happy and I'm free to go. Even if I had to be their dog it was perfectly fine to me because I know I didn't disturb them so they won't disturb me.


Now army had ended and I planned to go back to school to start fresh. While waiting for results I start to work part time in a photocopying shop. Easy job and seriously was much better then CBTL. Sadly plan didn't go well as my application wasn't successful. Shit happens. Best of all I didn't have a contingency plan. I was seriously hoping so badly to go back to poly. I guess NYP barred me forever from going to another poly then or it wasn't just my luck.


So what do I do next? I guess I can't help it then, learning how to drive. Since it's my mum's wish and she's sponsoring me so I'll just take that offer. I don't want to go back CBTL just as yet. I want to try new other jobs. FnB are just a playing thing to me. I want to try like office and want to know what do they mean by office politics and stuff. Then again with my only O level certificate I guess I can't go anywhere much.


I guess my life couldn't get any much better or it could be in a slow pace right now. Well either way I hope it could just speed up a little bit. As of right now I just feel like being alone is the best thing for me. Need to do a little of soul searching. Not on love but my life. I just need to find a purpose and a reason for me in this world.



I really miss my army life.

RedRulz.