A STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!!

This is basically not an update of myself. This is a story when used to be best friends to become friends and then acquaintance and now total stranger which literally means, yes, no longer related with any form of ties what so ever. Pissed off? Yes I am until this very noon while I'm posting this post. Seriously I had enough of this fucker that does not even be deserve my words to call this fucker 'him' or 'her' or any sort of form to show kindness to this fucker. This fucker apparently does not understand the life or the way people are but this fucker only understand gossips and fucking gullible in listening to other people then judging it for it fuckerself. Sadly this fucker education level if much higher then I am as this fucker just graduate from Singapore Poly but what sadden me more that this fucker's english was worst them my colleage and she don't even when to a proper school. Frankly enough it's time for me to step up to this fucker and break ties once and for all and if you all read at it's scenario, I didn't have to say much. This fucker practically blabbered everything out but in the end this fucker swallow back his words like swallow back the spit that he spat on the floor and lick it back just to swallow it.

The following events have not been tormented not changed in nature of the story but characters in the story has been changed to protect the identity of this person. I'm so kind still changing their names but fuck care, that's who I am but this is the last straw. Starting tomorrow, the door to seek for my forgiveness will be closed forever until the day I die. Period. I'm not being emotional and all. I've just made my decision.

Characters:
Z - This fucking Idiot.
T - The Victim.
R - The friend with values.
P - A friend and probably still.
M - God knows what this one treats me as.

Z:Hw r u buat ape (How are you? What are you doing)

T:Inventory. [was already rushing my work and I was a pissed off not because he text me, because a lot of things to do.]

Z:Kau eh org tanye khabar n baik cuba jawab baik2 tak leh ke? Dah kawan lama pun nak perangai2.. (You eh people ask story and good try answer nicely cannot meh? Old friends also want to attitude.) [This part it broke my limiters.]

T:Z I'm busy when I text one word.I'm sorry but I'm pissed off enough..I'm tight up with work.your words sometimes unreasonable.frankly speaking.Not only from me.From all of us. [Literally from all of us meaning everyone the fucker knows.]

Z:Ya I know, u n R talk abt me, n frankly speaking R does talk abt u also, so no surprise alrite. Likeiwse u when u talk to me yrs words r unreasonable n very rude N no respect, if u wanna talk abt reasonable u must respect ppl.. So T wake up alrite I realise a long time ago I dnt need frens like u who only need frens when it do n hilang bilang dah ada (disappear tell have already). So if nak ckp org tgk diri tu dulu (want to say people look at yourself first) atleast at least I dnt waste my life jus like tat.. U think I'm not piss w u all tis years? Tats y I stay away from both of u.. Especially u.. [my words unreasonable? when and what did I say that? and what's this about me wasting my life away? What are we talking about here? His content of topic is way out. I can't believe he's a poly grad seriously. Fuck! Did he bribe to pass his dip? I'm so honored to be the most-not-to-get-closed-with people]

Z:N btw tis issue it already done n over w longtime ago... If ppl nak ckp(want to say) abt me atleast I know my flaws n I'm nt as bad ass, if P n M dah ckp mcm gitu ape nak buat kan(say like that already what to do right).. Kata org pandai but diri sendiri tak tgk(Say people clever but your ownselves didn't see). I jus ignore wat u said to me all tis years, u think I'm nt piss off w u? Dah la(Enough la) T org mcm kau ni tak perlu nak ckp la(people like you don't need to say la).. I had enough of ppl like u seriously.. A simple hi hw r u can so difficult for u instead u sms me in a way just sometimes unreasonable. Say they say here. Dah la(Enough la) T don't bother replying back I don't think it worth for me to "cherish" ppl like u.. Gd luck n take care selamat berpuasa(happy fasting)..

T:What ever.seriously. [Honestly I really didn't want to reply but my fingers just auto reply back what this fucker loves to say to people as well.]

Z:Watever yrself la..

T:What ever Z. I won't lose much even u disregard me as a friend.cuz ppl change unlike u.

Y:Haha I laughed at it sorry eh aku tak contact kau lama sgt(I didn't contact you very long) u won't c my recent status so jgn nak bebel byk sgt(don't want to blabber too much). Seriously is tat all u got to say abt me? I hv millions of issue I can put on table abt u.. Likewise me I dnt regards u as a fren way b4 u said tis. RegardllessI nv chg or chged is hw u c yrs true frens stick together. Not forget frens n comeback when u need them.. N btw talking abt chged I chg by nt layan(entertaining) u tat much... Its ironic to c ppl say ppl like tis like tat n nv chg whereelse the person itself dnt even look at his own shadow.. [Honestly this part I don't get it from the beginning of the message and only up to the ending or probably the middle I was still.... clueless.. seriously, this is what the fucker text me. And the fucker has a million issues to put on the table? Hmm.. let's start counting then if it reaches to a million. True friends stick together? Like glue? Gosh. The fucker is seriously such a lonely fucker and don't have a life. The fucker seriously so not independent and oh.. look at own shadow? Were you blinded with someone else's?]

T:Well ya. I regretted friending u.goodbye. [Literally I really do mean it. If only back then I didn't open up to this fucker. Probably this fucker will be a normal person but now, I've created a monster and goodbye was to end everything.]

Z:Lame. Friending me? ur nt a friends from like last time.. [Friends? There's two of me? Hmm.. Ya.. Not like last time.. Well fucker, like I've said, PEOPLE CHANGE and I'll add someone more to it, WE HAVE OUR OWN LIFE AND YOU ARE NOT PART OF IT.]

T:Fuck off. [In which I really mean it go away already and go fuck someone else]

Z:Fuck off, org. Bodoh je(stupid people) reply.. [...Speechless... I guess the fuckers head is seriously like a rock.. Can't absorb the words.. Or the fucker didn't get it..]

T:Literally fuck off. [Tried again and this time I mean it to 'Literally fuck off']

Z:So fuck w yrs. Inventory la.. [ 'So fuck with yours inventory la..'? What??]

S:For a poly graduate.your english is seriously fucked up.grow up already. [And I really mean it if all of you read back what this fucker type, this is what my niece or nephew would wrote!]

Z:Watever la atleast I graduated from poly nt like someone who drop out bcuz of someone oh oops should say kick out.. My dip is nt specialise in english. Lame duh so literally fuck off.. [Beginning part of the message I was furious but then turn into laughter at the end of it. LOOK!! The fucker reply 'Fuck Off'! The Fucker's really stupid! The Fucker just swallow back the fucker's own words!]
Z:So nak ckp org tgk diri tu eh(want to say people look at yourself). Atleast I tried my best to finish up my study coming from someone who said my english nt good.... [Well duh.. at least I don't fake it and I manage to be somebody through my hard work]
Z:Dah T, I dnt wanna worst it out watever u think abt me, I can't do anything abt it, likewise me.. Sorry for my words take care...

Good luck to you and to your future miserable life with the people who actually really cherish you. Have a good fucked up life for as long as you lived and I pray for you that you will really have true friends in your life(probably by then it's too late). Not someone you dump and you pick back up and then dump again and pick up again. Gosh, you sure do like to spit and swallow. Goodbye once and for all FUCKERS!

RedRulz

Let's....

How should I put this..
Let it go..
Set it free..
At my own risk..
As much as I feel free..
In the end I'm in my own imprisonment of my heart..
You may see a smile spark from my face..
But at the end of the day..
I'm just that sad person always crying inside..
Always seeks happiness..
And the more I lived..
The more sadness builds around me..
So I think again..
If I can't find happiness within myself..
Let's find happiness with others..
It helps..
It does..
Feeling that comfort..
Feeling being needed..
Feeling alive..
But so happen my happiness with others..
Temporary..
Because at the end of the day..
I'm left alone again..
So again I think..
Thinking hard..
Let's find happiness in others..
It helps me too..
Happiness in others are happiness to me as well..
And with that..
I lived again..
But note this..
I'm still a sad person..
When I'm alone..
Always crying inside..
Always in the dark shadows..
With no lights..
No sunshine..
No rainbows..
No colours..
Just black..
Just white..
And all I asked for is..
Some colours..
Red..
Green..
Blue..
Anything..
I need to paint my picture..
Brightly again..
So please..
Help me..
Stay with me..
So please..
Understand me..
So...
Let's....

24th May 2010, 12:15pm
RedRulz

My heart speaks again..

How I've longed to see you again
And I'm glad we finally did
Reminiscing about the past
Sure it was fun
Seeing each other laugh again
Seems like nothing have change
We're still together
But I accept the fact
You're someone else
And I'm someone else
Two separate worlds
Two separate person
We chose our own path
Now we're walking through it
Your life now aren't the same
So is mine
But sure we shared a common thing
We need a friend
So I thank you for being there
I thank you for the time
I wish there some thing more we could do
But I guess we couldn't
Seems so right but it's wrong
Seems so wrong but it feels right
Contradiction that's me
Complicated that's me
I don't want to lose you
I need to let you go
But I need you
Standing by my side
As my friend
Hope you understand
So forgive me friend
Because this feelings will never end
So let us be
So stay with me

3rd May 2010,11:47AM,Monday

RedRulz

My heart speaks..

To someone very dear to me..

I live here on my knees
as I try to make you see
that you're everything I think
I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe
though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that
I still know is that
you're keeping me down
You're on to me
and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

2nd May 2010, 11:40am, Sunday
RedRulz

The peak of my suffering..

Time.

That's something I don't have much.
Time, it's something I've wasted so much.
Time, it's something is precious to everyone.
Time, it's something I believe I'm running out of.

My heart pounding harder nowadays.
My brain feels dead.
My body feels light and heavy at the same time.
I feel tired all the time.

Is it time?
For me?
Is it a sign?
Or is it a warning?
I don't know.
What's wrong with me?

I can't sleep at night.
At times when I'm suppose to be sleeping, I'm walking.
I'm watching.
I'm typing.
I'm talking.
I'm playing.
But never sleep.

5 hours a day.
Am I destroying myself?
Or am I becoming Insomniac?
Why am I this way?
Why didn't I just go to sleep?
Why do I keep myself awake?
And why the short hours?
Was it because I'm scared to dream?

I'm the Dreamer.
The dreams that I dream came true.
Am I starting to fear my own dreams?
Probably?
Or I just want myself to suffer?
I don't know what do I want anymore.
Seems to me my life is pointless.

Pressured.
Something I'm not good at handling.
Feels like giving up.
Am I giving up now?
Of the things I've been fighting for?
My own happiness.
My own peace.
My own love.
My love.

Tears.
Why do they come out when I wanted to give up my life?
Do I feel regrets?
Am I scared of the pain?
Or I was thinking of the people that will mourn for me?
My friends.
My family.
My loved ones.
Yes.
I suppose so.

So I must live on.
I need to see this chapter through.
I need to stay strong.
I need to be strong.
For my love one.
For my future.
For the sake of our future.
I need to know how the story continues.
And hopefully, it'll take to the end of my last breathe.
I love you.
So please stay with me.

I'm sorry.
I'm so into you.
I need you.
So please, stay with me.
I promise, I'm staying with you.
No matter what happens, I'll always love you.
Nothing can change my mind.
No one can change my mind but you.
As right now, I'm yours to command.
Call me crazy.
I am.
Crazy about you.

Together we are unstoppable.
Together we'll supporting one another.
In our ups and down.
We'll go through it all.
Together, we can accomplish anything.
And together, we are complete as one.
I love you.

25th May 2009, 9.50pm.
RedRulz

Forgive me...

I wish to live happy but sadness is what I got.
I wish to love somebody but in the end hating myself more.
I wish to live with someone but ended up they left me alone.
I just want to make them happy but I suffered instead.
What am I to this world?


Why life ain't happy always?
Why can't life be always full of laughter?
Why can't I enjoy all those?
Why do someone I love have to go?
Why did they choose that path?
How can they be so blind?


My life and theirs lived differently.
We both being brought up differently.
But I believe we both need someone to lean on.
So why can't they lean on to me?
Why do they always thinks they found a way but still doing the problems?
Was it all reasons or was it all fake?
Either way none solve their problems at all.


Why was I so blind?
Why didn't I see these coming?
Why am I being given this gift?
Why am I a dreamer?
Dreams that I have are opposite to the real world.
God, why did you gave me this gift?


Why only I feel this pain?
Why can't they feel what I feel?
Why can't normal people help me?
Why can't I be happy as them?
Why am I suffering?
Why?


Why do people loves to take the easy way out?
Why can't they face the real fact?
Why can't they be normal?
Why can't they changed?
Why do people love to abuse themselves?
Why do they take risk of getting themselves in trouble?
Why do they do stupid things, knowing they are harming their body?


God, why do people do all these things?
Why do people invent such horrible apparatus?
Why they kept shooting their veins until it can't be seen?
Why do people play with these things?
Why can't they be more into becoming someone useful?
Why do they keep doing it knowing it's not even helping them to think?
God why do they do the things they do?
Why did you even create such thing in this world?
Why?


Suffering. Despair. Regrets. Hate. Anger. Sorrow. Fear.
Was that the reason?
Was this why people do what they do?
Is that really the easy way out?


NO!
I don't believe that!
You're just hurting yourselves more.
More SUFFERING!
More DESPAIR!
More REGRETS!
More HATE!
More ANGER!
More SORROW!
More FEAR!
It's not helping.
It's destroying you.
It's killing you.


Helping a man to earn a living?
Hah!
By getting yourself in trouble?
How honorable is that?
STUPID!
Not such a smart answer for a smart person.


I need to kill.
I need to kill someone.
I need to kill someone badly.
Yes.
Yes I'm insane.
Living in this world brings about my insanity that I need to kill someone.


Blood.
Let me see blood.
Let me.
Die.
..
.
.
.
.

Dear god,
Forgive me for what I've sinned.
Forgive those who have sinned to me.
Forgive all those people who have sinned to you.
For they are only human.
For they are your creations.
Please.
Bring them back to the light.
Let them be free from the black hole.
Give them hope to live again.
Set them free from misery for as I will bear that burden.

For all I know.
.
.
.
I'm just a sacrifice.
.
.
.

Take my life.
Let me leave this world.
For I can no longer bear to see.
Killing for the sake to killing.
Stealing for the sake of abusing.
Robbing for the sake of thrilling.
Lying for the sake of gaining trust.


I can't live in this world anymore.
Too much suffering I've felt.
A quarter of a century of my life is enough.
No more.


No.
I can't leave.
For my love one will be much more despair if I leave.
Hate.
Regrets.
Anger.
Sorrow.
Fear.


So tell me now.
What should I do?
Please.
Show me the way.
Guide me.
Help.


I need help.
I'm suffering.
Please.
Help..


4th April 2009, 3.37AM
RedRulz

What a start of 2009..

Again I apologized for the late update. Still it won't be about bitching something or about someone. Well someone maybe and probably it would be about me and everyone alike.



Feeling like shit and all, the beginning of 2009 is seriously fucked up. For those who are going to read further I give you in advance apologies, the word "fuck" will be frequently used in this entry because I'm pissed off with my fucked up life in the start of 2009.



So where shall I begin, first and for most, I am still in that new chapter of my life that I started about six months ago. It has been a bliss but now it's turning a bit of thunder storm and huge waves and earthquakes here and there. First fucked up life I'm having. I don't blame my partner because I know it's all my fault and I'm causing my partner to stressed up. I guess it is that time of the period where I turn to get curious and getting to find out more and then assumptions starts and fingers start to point. I guess I'm hell of a guy who always wants to put blames on everyone like as if they owe me my life. Fucking shit. I can't believe I'm turning to that type of person. What a fucked up person I am. Baby, if you're reading this I apologize for everything I've done. I'm really sorry. I guess it my doing and blaming on you and doubting you and not trusting you is causing the second fucked up of my life.



Yeah, the second, my fucking wallet that I bought for myself with my own hardworking fucking money is missing and what goes along with it is, my identification card, my army identification card, my SAFRA card, my Golden Village card, my Coffee Bean card, my vintage notes of $2, $5 and $10, my Get-A-Life card and loads of other cards that went missing. Fucking pissed off. Fuck sia, that wallet as I recalled only contain like $20 most with my vintage notes, fucking have the courtesy of at least returning my stuff and my wallet if you want my money. Fuck sia. To which fucking idiot son of a bitch mother found my wallet and didn't even have a courtesy to return it to me as my identification card have my home address, I curse you for life and 10 generation of debts until the 11th generation of your sons turns gay and screw your own family blood related male.


Lastly, the third fucked up of my life that happens today, $100 bill note went missing in my temporary wallet. Great. Just fucking great. Which ever fucking mother of a son found that money must be one fuckable guy.


I think the year 2009 for me is cursed, already the whole world is going crazy with wars and recession and political issues and stuff, fuck, I keep losing my money like they are dust blowed away by the wind. Goodness what FUCK did I do wrong in the beginning of my life in 2009. What a nice chapter to open. Fucked up life if RedRulz in 2009 the prequel. Goodness I feel like killing myself right now. One after another and I wonder when will it ends.


Screwed. When I try to be nice, shit happens. When I try to be kind, shit happens. When I am being honest, shit happens. Fuck! Is that how the world repay me?


Fine, it's not the world, it's me being careless and stupid. Yes. The stupidity of RedRulz Chapter 1. Fuck.


Fine. No more mister nice guy. No more smiles. No more sunshine. No more rainbows. This time I play it my way. Next time I find a phone, I'll keep it. Next time I found an identification card, I'll break it. Next time I found a master card, I'll spent it like no one business and the next time someone needs help, screw you..


3rd February 2009, 10:22PM
RedRulz

Finally..

Alright, screw introduction and I'll just go straight to the point.



Bangkok trip was great and we are going there again but lately I feel like I want to cancel my trip. I don't know why but it just had me thinking, I could have put that money for other good use. Regrettably, the tickets had been booked on the second day we've returned back to Singapore. Crazy I know. Without long thoughts we decided to just go. Well maybe they need not the long thoughts, I was the one who needed that long thoughts and my final decision is that I don't feel like going but since we've already booked things and stuff, I guess I have no choice but go with the flow.



Right now I'm working back in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Yeah like what the fuck am I working there again. Screw it. A job is better than having no job. Still suck la as I'm only earning below 1k. Haha. Yeah that's my target to bring back at least 1k each month but I still got long way to go. Nope I'm not a manager but just a small peanut barista. Haha. Oh in this case small coffee bean. Been working there for one month and a week. Kinda suck and feel over worked sometimes. Screw it as I'm a pantry maid. Fuck. Feel like a bitch/slut behind the gormet counter. What a story to tell my future children and grandchildren. The best suckiest thing is that since I'm nice to them, I feel like being stepped everytime. Screw it, that's me. A sole padding.



About a day back in bangkok or was it two days, I've open a new chapter. Yeah. No one special but I guess this one is special because we've known each other through the net for almost 3-4 years and only that day I decided to meet up. Well this chapter is going slow but as usual, paranoid and freaks and psychotic mind are coming back at the same time. Not to forget suspicion and assumption always occurs in my head and I don't like it when I'm right. Argh screw it. How I wish a brain bank exist so I can find a brain that doesn't have these characteristic so I can live and die happily.



So now we know what's in my mind and how fucking shitty I've been feeling for the past two month since my last update talking about government money and shits. Now it's my life my rules. Fucking-shit-pissed-off-screw-your-dad's-ass. I so need to drugged myself with lots of chill pill so I can overdose and stuck at Hougang Chalet. Sure that's will be my sanctuary big time. Haha.



Well right now what keeps my mind relax is this song. The information I've got from my manager, who is a Filipino by the way, this band is from the Philippines. Great lyrics and nice chilling tunes. Feel sad at first listening to the song but the lyrics is more than that. It's the kind of song where it motivates you to move on and go on with your life and there's no point in looking down. Just hold your head up high.



So enjoy the song, RedRulz is back. Sorry for the Silence all these while. I'll try to fill in more soon. I'll see ya when I see ya.




8th October 2008, 11:55 AM
RedRulz

Money Money Money.. Bangkok!!

Time has come for me to depart from Singapore. Haha. How corny that sounds? Well seems like finally I can put my mind at ease. No matter whether it's business or pleasure, going overseas never fails to relax me. Almost feel like teleporting into another world in another dimension (even though it's the same Earth I'm on).



Sometimes this wonders me that when I was in the army, I was so happy going to Pulau Tekong. I mean it's like hell for most of them but booking in never fails to make me happy. Maybe as long as I'm traveling overseas and it takes like 30-45 minutes journey it makes me happy. Sentosa not included. Come on, you could walk your way there. That's boring. No longer consider overseas in the case.



I guess this is the result of the standard of living in Singapore. Maybe we feel pressured and depress over inflation and all the hike in prices. Now lots of shops are like buying from either Malaysia, Indonesia or Thailand products and sold in Singapore in order to get more profits in order to survive.



No wonder now not many Singaporeans who are married either have one or two child only and special cases, none. Even having a child means money. First, when your wife is pregnant, get what ever she wants. Specific food, specific location and only a specific ways. Need to be pampered and cared. Attention. Go for check up appointment. Now this alone, petrol money (if you're driving), transportation money (those go green people taking public transport), food money, extra service charges (if it happens going to be in a restaurant) and other miscellaneous things (snacks, ice cream, drinks, toilet breaks, etc..) .



That's the first, the second part. Hospital bills. Once that baby pops out all your hard earn money like from 5k you save just gone in and instant. That's if your wife isn't choosy. What happen if she wants first class, private room, only family members allowed to be in the room other than doctors and nurses. Now that is going to cost a BOMB!



After that milk powder, diapers, baby soap and powders their tiny yet cute clothings, stroller, cradle, toys and all those sort of stuff. Gosh it's never ending. Now that is another BOMB!



Not forgetting, having a baby is not the only problem you have to settle, utility bills, phone bills, your own groceries and credit card bills and more never ending bills. Gosh, it's insane I tell you and now the government want us to create more babies? Haha. By giving a scheme of baby bonus and bla bla bla bla and all they give is like a one time figure, so what?



As normal as it looks, being Singaporean, many will really fall for it if they don't really think far. As much as the figures looks good, serious couple would have to look further and deeper before they would even want to have a child.



Take it for an example. They are giving about 7500 to last 2 years for your first and second new born child. 7500 for two years.. Hmm... Then about 14800 for two years for your third and fourth child.. Hmm... All looks good but one thing, how about they give a little extra on the hospital bills? Think about it.



Don't think I want to go far to the extend from age 1 - 6. You could look for yourself at this link.


So this is my advice to all Singaporeans, as much as the figures looks good. Think of the present and the future state you are at. I'm not saying the government is tricking us with their scheme (though I did sound like that in the beginning) it's just that look over your financial first before even taking the risk. Take it this way, if you can do and handle the above situation with ease of handling the bills without the help of the baby bonus, then I guess you can happily have that happiness. If not, better don't, unless you want to look at your baby as a burden. (gosh, that is totally sick minded of me.)


Take care peeps, going to get ready for Bangkok. I'm so not ready and can't believe the day have finally arrive. I'll have fun and be sure to hog longer to my blog when I come back. Hopefully I have the energy to blog about my outings and lots of pictures too. Haha. I see ya when I see ya.

(Damn schedule thingie, I wrote this at 22.08.2008 8:48PM)


RedRulz

First Step..

I've noticed that as time goes by, it seems like I've been updating lesser and lesser each month and not mentioning things that I've shouldn't be talking about. For example, my life. Haha! Then again, it is about my life and my rules so why should I give a damn about it if I ever want to talk about my life or whomsoever life that is.



So here I go again. It's been boring for the past few weeks not until now. Later today dated 18 August 2008 around afternoon hopefully after lunch I'll be going to an interview, like finally after like 8 bloody lame months. Well it's a job I've been thinking of going back. No not whoring. Not that I did before like EXCUSE me!



Let's just say it's my first real job in my life. Yeah. Coffee bean here I come. RedRulz gonna whip those cream.. Lame I know.. Hopefully the interview goes well and yes my dear Shewy if you're reading this, I'll serve you F.O.C. pasta if you ever visit my outlet. That is if I'm the only manager around. Haha.



Other than that nothing else troubling me just that I still feel trap like as if I'm being pinned down to the ground and being choked at the same time. It's like pilling up one by one, day by day. Luckily some part of me is still the same and should I say still sane.



As years goes by people change and people move on to another step and to another chapter in their lives. Like move on to better jobs to get a better pay, or pursuing a diploma or a degree to upgrade yourself for backup plans if something ever goes wrong, or getting married building a family to call your own and have kids and see them grow up and leading them to be a better person and all those really looks great.



As always there's always a but in what ever I say. But, will that happen to me in the near future? This year alone, two of my secondary school friends is already married. The dearest Mr. Hunk and the Ms. Smart that always tilt her head side ways when she's angry.



Looking at the current age now, I'm already 24 and so are they. Next year another two of my secondary school friends getting married too and it's kind of freaky seeing people move on with their life and I'm still stuck being me which always linger in the past and not moving forward.



I'm still stuck being just an 'O' level holder with 4 credits. A diploma dropout. No other skills. Not even a basic of formatting of a simple resume. Haha. I got to admit that yes I do learn about it but I totally forgot about it since I've only done it like, once in my poly years. Damn poly, I was so really determine to go back and I wasn't accepted.


Diploma first, now my family is bugging me to learn how to drive. When I told my family that I'm scared about driving because in my dream, I often dream that I'll have accident driving it. They will normally comfort me saying it's just a dream and normally it's always happen the opposite ways. So to make it simple the more accidents you dream, the safer your road will be. (Right..)


When I told my friends about my fears, they say then you shouldn't force yourself to take it if you have no confidence. Hmmm... Seems like I don't have support from my own friends. As much as I want them to say the same thing like how my family says, I guess I was wrong. So first battle between Family Vs Friends, 1 Family - 0 Friends. So I guess I'll take my driving license and yes my beloved Shewy and 2tie, we'll go to East Coast for dinner and yes I'll drive you guys around. Petrol is on you guys. Haha!


Hmmm.. Something struck me, I've been dreaming mostly are car crashes. So opposite is normally something smaller right? That means if I were to take a bike I'll experience the accidents? Hmm.. Bright side, bright side, they are just dreams.



So now what's troubling me? What's pinning me down to the ground and choking me at the same time making me difficult to breathe? Well, how do I juggle all of them?

1) Work

2) Oh I forgot to mention that next year I'm taking MDIS Information Technology that if I get the manager position at Coffee Bean.

3) Driving License.

4) Personal Family Affairs. (Yes, even a happy go lucky guy have internal family problems..)

So that just sums up everything.


But these are not the interesting thing that is about to happen. The interesting ones are the BANGKOK trip!! Yes, as from today it's like 4 days left!! Oh My Gawd! I love trips because trips means I'm free! Free from worries and burdens and it's like leaving everything behind and just bring yourself and PARTAY!! Yeah once you've come back from your holidays then you worried about it. Haha.


This Bangkok trip will be the first time ever with my close friends. Will be different from my Brunei and Taiwan trips because it's like with the army. Haha. Anyways, the suckiest part of this trip is that news have been reporting that there's a huge storm that is going to hit Bangkok between now and end of next month. HOW NICE! (that is what my Eagle Company of platoon 3 would say)


Yeah, strong winds, heavy rains and big waves like 4-5 meters high. Great,just great.Anyway I think this will be fun. I love strong winds and cold weather. So maybe it ain't that bad eh? At least if I were to die, I die happy. Right? Haha. Well what ever it is, hopefully the storm will not happen at all. Not this month not even next since it's the fasting month. Hopefully God is merciful to all of us.


Well then I better get going to rest as I got lots to talk about with the ADM. Haiz. I hope all goes well. Wish me luck.


RedRulz.

Killer....

As much as I wish I'm dead, well I'm still alive. Nope, I didn't tried to jump off the AYE fly-over yet. Not that I have the courage to do so but it's just that I feel I have something else more worth of doing then thinking of the faster way to die. Yeah, something keeps me pinned down to Earth so I keep on living and try to do what's best.



Haha. Sounds ludicrous right? I guess so.



But there's something in my mind keeps bothering me. I don't know if I ever going to be a criminal or ever going to appear in the newspaper front page with my face on it and the headlines written in bold and big fonts saying,"Unforgivable Serial Killer."



I don't know why, I just have this feeling like how is it feels like to kill someone? What will my reaction be when I kill someone? What will I do after I kill that someone?



These question keeps popping out of my mind like as if some bug have infested my brain poisoning with all these killing thoughts. Sometimes I would even think how much blood would ooze out once I stab them in the stomach or the chest or maybe the head.



Would a kitchen knife would be strong enough to go through a thick skull? Or would it get stuck and then blood gushes out spraying like a sprinkler on the backyard or would it be like water leaking out slowly from a lose pipe?



I had no idea why but lately I have this desire to kill someone. Not because I hate that someone or what but just random. Yeah. Have I gone mad? No. Just curious but my desire of killing someone doesn't really exceed to the extend that I would choose my target, stalking them and recording everything they do and then when I found a loophole for me to kill them I make my move.



Well, I suppose. Since I plan that out in an instant it does make a good plan. Haha. I think I've really gone mad. Or maybe these movies that I've been watching just makes me have this urge to kill someone. Either when I'm angry or just plain curious.



Maybe I should go to the police or probably a Psychiatrist. I don't know why. Sometimes when I look at someone, I just keep thinking how would he/she would react when I kill them. Their expression on their faces. Would they cry in pain? Panic? Scream when they saw blood gushing out? (Just a little bit side track, a friend of mine used to be afraid of blood. His own blood that is. He would feel giddy or maybe I suppose fainted when see his own blood. So imagine if I stab someone who have phobia of his own blood and see lots of blood coming out of his body, would he faint and not scream or he forgotten to scream in pain because of the overwhelming frighten of his own blood? Curious eh?)



Gosh, I've got to do something. Yeah, kill someone. In my dreams. Haha. Well not that I didn't do it before. In my dreams. Yeah I really did in my dreams. I pointed a gun or revolver or what ever it is in my hand (could be a pepper spray) pointed at a guy and shot him. The only sad part was that when I shot him, he disappeared from my sight. Not magically, I turn away. Haha.



Criminal minds. Freaky aren't they. Sometimes people aren't born criminals but happen to be a criminal tragically. So here comes the question,"What are they thinking when they are executing the crime? What is going on in their mind? Was it because of their desire so strong to achieve it in a bad way that it clouded their doubts to even worry of the consequences? Or was it that plain fun to them to do such things?"



I could add up more question but it leaves me to more question and no answers. Well actually there is answers but why in killing someone to be a solution? Take it if it's not a robbery or hijack but killing randomly without reasons. Why is that? Sometimes I wonder if my feeling of killing someone would lead me to become a random serial killer with no reasons but the curiosity of seeing blood flowing of a human body. Maybe I should be a doctor and work in the Operating Theater. Haha.



But again I would answer, it's not the same. Cutting a human body from the state of unconsciousness is different from someone who's conscious. Difference? One is sleeping soundly unaware of what's going on so when the skin is being cut on a numb skin by the what ever thing they use to make it numb no increase of blood pressure or screamed of pain or blood gushing out like a sprinkler. On the other hand, a conscious person would panic and scream in pain and the increasing rate of blood pressure will cause the blood gushing out like a sprinkler. Haha. Sadistic aren't I?



Remember Hannibal? Sometimes I also feel how is it.. Well you know, the taste of a brain. Human brain. I still remember those images. That an opened human skull and he's still conscious. His brain was being cut and cooked, fried I suppose and I do wonder how would it taste like since it looks soft. Must have been like MnMs. Melt in your mouth not in your hands but in this case the taste isn't candy chocolate.


Haha. I don't know what's going on in my head. Anyway it's not just recently I've felt this way, been a long time. Just that this year, it's stronger. Not to worry, I'm still sane. I won't do it these things. As curious I would get but I don't think I've broke the limitation of my insanity yet. Just don't make me insane. You don't want to be the first in my list. Well, make that second. I think I got my first. If he breech the limits.



RedRulz

Beautiful day..

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A wish come true. I guess it was more like after few years. Haha. Not that I asked for it every year but I think two years ago. For a day to have grey sky, cold wind and beautiful sky in the night. Yep, that day was yesterday.



Most of you all know, yesterday I turn 24. Yeah, old man. already two cycles completed. Haha. You know, every 12 years is where your peak moments. Like when you were 12 you were taking your PSLE where is your first step to teenage hood. Now at 24 is where you suppose to choose your life what and how you want to live. Being carefree and simple minded, I still don't bother about that.



Still it's not like I'm slacking and not working. I do. Part time. Still in the 'play mode' kind of work. Not a serious one. People keep asking me what do I want to do what interests me, I replied, no idea. Haha. If you ask me what I like to do, sleeping. Haha. What I'm interested to do, hmmm, that's a tough one because there's a lot. Video games, animation, sounds and musics, cooking and still lots of others just that I can't remember them now.



Still if I just can't decided what to become, I guess then it'll be easy for you to spot me at one of the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf outlet. I might just be a manager there. Don't ask for free drinks! Just kidding.



Anyway I would like to thank all my friends who wished to me yesterday on my birthday. I know this blog shows it's on 29th May 2008 but today is really the 30th May 2008 today. I don't know what's wrong with the system it kinda sucky that the website timing is different from our own timing in Singapore. Yes my birthday falls on 29th May every year as long as I live. I know it's not that easy to remember as I also sometimes don't remember your birthday mixing up with someone else's birthday.



I still remember Ririn wish me 2 months earlier. Haha. Seriously she message me,"RedRulz Happy 22nd(I think) Birthday!!" Then I replied,"Like 2 months in advance?" Haha. That was really a good laugh. I can't really remember which year it was but sure it's a memory I'll have for a very long time. What do I do without you Ririn. My days will be so boring. Haha.



Yesterday some of my friends meet me up to have a so called small party dinner with me. Right after I watch The Chronicles of Narnia, The Prince Caspian with my two nieces I met them after that. My secondary school mate that is. They treat me to Swensens at Holland Village. Sad though that we didn't get to eat the ice cream as the service was terribly slow. Either they were shortage of staff or it's just too jammed packed. My friend lost patience and we decided to cancel off our ice cream order. Sad but what to do but I do pity the manager, guess she did had lots of trouble that day. Hopefully she gets to peace her mind.



So yesterday wasn't bad at all. Pretty much is what I wanted. Cooling day and beautiful night sky. Which reminds me, exactly at 12.40am on 29th May 2008 as I was walking to the new park beside Jurong Point, that was the most stars I've seen in my neighborhood. The sky was really clear and I could see lots of them. The beauty of nature, not many appreciate it.



I've just look outside the window and something struck me again but then again, I think I just let it pass, I won't blog about it. I'll just let it go. I guess in time, I'll be better. Anyway to those who haven't wish me birthday or you thought it was too late, well you still can. All because I was born at 6.50pm so you still got time until 6.49pm today. As in 30th May 2008.



So once again thank you for the wishes and I'll see ya when I see ya.

Something to add. Being alone on your birthday , it's not that bad. It just let you have more time to think of what you want to do in life. Keep that in mind.




RedRulz

Look out your window..

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Hmm.. What shall I blog about today's posting? I know it has been like 24 days right after I post about my regrets, my past and other stuff but as much as I would like to do interesting post it just goes away and I'll be talking more on life, my life and future.



Irritating isn't it? I mean when sometimes you feel like it's a good thing to talk about and you have all the ideas and stuff but once you've reached home, it just went down the drain and you totally forgot about it. What I always have, Short Term Memory. Guess the older you get, the more forgetful you'll become but I believe in my case, distracted.



Well I guess I have no choice then, been thinking about this topic for a very long time. Well let's say it had been in my mind since the first time I started this blog. Well it's still going to be about life but this is pretty interesting to me though. Because as someone who always type his stuff, playing his game, chatting with friends and other duties as well on the computer, thinking about life have never been less interesting in my thoughts.



So before I start, let my ask you. Where is your computer located at? Living room? Bed room? Kitchen? Toilet?(I hope that's a water proof computer you're having) Well, where exactly it's being placed? On your bed? On the computer table? In the middle of the room? Still I guess the most important question of all, what floor are you staying on?



As for me, at my own home, my computer is in my dad's room and I stayed on the second floor just the room is on the third floor and it's placed right beside the window. Through the window I can see the next flats which shows the kitchen of the next flats and lots of time I could see the elderly either drying laundry or staring at the sky and I totally had no idea why.



Right now I'm staying with my sister and now I stay on the fourth floor and the computer is placed in the living room and again it's beside the window. Well this time it's a huge window and you can see a lot and again it's the kitchen I see but this time I can't really see if anyone is doing laundry. Yeah I know what you are thinking. Is RedRulz fetish about who's doing the laundry or RedRulz must have been wanting to steal the undergarments? Right. You hit the jackpot. In HELL. No way. That's like eww..



So let's come to my point. About life. When the first time I saw the elderly doing the laundry it make me think, what happen to her son or daughter? How come no one is helping them? So I stop and think for the various reasons that could come up with. If I were to be optimistic they are at work. If I were to be pessimistic I would say they left them there alone after got married and better jobs. So then again even if they really at work, don't you feel that your parents should rest and not do too much household chores? I mean they have been taking care of you since you're a baby and now your a grown man and woman, don't you think you should do it yourself?



I mean pretty much, is that how you would expect them to do when they got older? What happen if there's accident while they were doing those chores? They aren't getting any stronger by the minute. Even if they say they are fine, at least help them or tell them you can manage to do it on your own. For goodness sake you're a grown person now. Well my point is that don't stressed up your parents doing those jobs anymore, it's just not fair especially when you're still young and can manage those jobs. Come on. It's your clothes your wearing, you should clean up your own mess not them.



Still laundry was not the only thing I thought about. As normal I would get, I always pun myself in their shoes. When I'm 50, will I be like them? Ok maybe not 50, like my parents both retired at the age of 60, so would I be like them? Cleaning up and be like a 'maid' for my kids when I'm not working? I mean by that age I won't be as strong as I used to be. Maybe lifting 10kgs of rice is no longer easy for me I might need to use a trolley, bending over to pick up something for the floor is no longer easy too as it could hurt my back. So then again, would that be a life I want to have while waiting for the angel of death to claim my soul? I don't think so.



I rather concentrate on my prayers 5 times a day, reciting the Quraan after each prayers and rest when I need to. Yep. No work. No household chores. Come on think about it. You've been living stressed up for the past let's say your peak period is about from 28 to 52 that's full 24 years of stressed level of working your ass off trying to get pay raise, take care of your babies, doing household chores, make sure you have food on the table and bills to pay not forgetting the debts you have to clear. Don't you think you deserve better living after that?



Just imagine right after you've reach the same age as your parents and before that you've never even done once in your life doing laundry and when your sons and daughters expect you to do it, now that is what I called karma. Yeah, people would say, don't be ridiculous, I won't be living that way, I'll hired a maid. Right, that is one of the way, if you have the money. What if by the time you retire the money you have is not even enough for the rest of your life and only God knows for how long more you're living?



See this is what I mean, as the technologies advances and more services could help our standard of living, we take simple things as doing our own household chores for granted knowing we could always hired someone to do it. Especially maids agencies nowadays is available almost anywhere. Especially at Bukit Timah Shopping Centre, right Ririn?



So who am I getting at? I'll spell out in caps and dashes, S-P-O-I-L-T-B-R-A-T. Kids nowadays don't do things by themselves lately. They go to school with their parents sent them to school carrying their bags. Best thing of all, they need air-cons not fans, they rather take the bus even it's just a 15 minutes walk, they rather eat in restaurant then eating at the hawker centre just because hawker centre doesn't provide air-con services.




How I wish that I could sent them off for a simple-life training. I guess then it would make myself at ease. Well seriously I'm not targeting at kids as in primary school students, but secondary and above. I know. If even by tertiary level and you still act like the world owes you, I'm so going to be a serial killer instantly. Kidding.


Even if you're not a kid anymore maybe a working person, have the courtesy of at least lighten their burden. You asked me? Well I'm blessed with good wealth that my family could afford maids but it wasn't to take care of my parents, well that's just too personal to talk about maybe as and when I feel or have the courage I could talk about it. Maybe. So how could you lighten their burden? Do your own laundry in the morning once you've awake if you can afford it, hire a maid. If you hired a maid, do treat them good. I'll talk about that matter some other time.



So I leave it to your thoughts about what you want to achieve when you've reach the age of 60. Me you ask, I've already said it but anyways, I've already said in the previous blog too.


"I don't want to live more than the age of 34. I have my reasons."



So if you want to think about life easily, place your computer beside the window and look outside of it. Definitely something will trigger you. If outside your windows are trees and more trees, gosh, are you living in the jungle? Haha. Well I'll talk about that some other time.




RedRulz.

Hurts.. Take Me Away..

Have you guys ever thinks that sometimes noticing some thing that is so peculiar keeps popping out right in front of you suppose to mean something? Like a favorite song of yours keeps playing on the radio on three different stations that you happen to change on different timings that they happen to play your song, do you ever feels that it means something?



I know I feel it all the time. That the things that happening around me suppose to be a message that is telling me that either it's good or bad. For an example, if I ever to listen to the radio and every time I hear "Don't Speak" by No Doubt is being played on the air, means I'm going to have a sad week or month as either relationships going bad or sad memories will be remembered.



If I were in the bus and I noticed that only a handful of guys in the bus and lots of ladies in the bus means that I'm going to have one of a hectic day and if it's the opposite instead it's going the best day ever.



I know it's kinda weird but it is true that I do notice these kind of things almost every time. It would never be like if I were to wear red color means it's my lucky day if I wear black I'm going to be unfortunate.



Anyways that's not the point of why suddenly I decided to update this fast within a week. It's more of a heart matter and funny that it still hurts reminiscing of my past love.


Been over two years and remembering it just kills me. Either because the love still exist within me or I just feel like I would love to try for another go. I told my friend that I still remember that moment and seriously it was the best. Nope. Not the sexual way because it was more, innocent. Yes I would define it as a decent and innocent relationship as we've never even touch each other.



Was something that feels so pure that good? I don't know. It's almost as if like you feel respected that I will wait for the right moment to happen kind of thing but sadly it didn't happen. Lucky or unlucky? Either thoughts, no one's loss but just sad it didn't go as far as I would had expected.



Earlier I watch this malay movie titled "Suara Kasih" I think. Acted by Fauziah Ahmad Daud, and my sister and her husband says that it was a true story of her with her first love.



It was really sad having to lose someone just because of the 'ranking' factor because of family wealth involve. I totally hate that kind of person who look down on someone who's no one special but just normal people without having to know the person well. Hell do that think that they are special because they have wealth? Sure it's good to have them but love and money doesn't suits each other.



I really feel sad watching that story. Good thing I wasn't alone while I was watching it. If I did, I can bet you I'll be needing a pillow and lots of tissue papers. Haha. (emo bastard, can't help it.) Not only because I'm emotional, I did lost someone whom I can't even compete with. Nope not ranking, this is more of a religious side. Well I moved on from that.



Anyways I just don't know why I feel very hurt after watching that. Was it because I felt her pain or was it because the pain was remembered? Yes and this time I'll say it but I won't do it. I would love to go to a high place right now and just jump down freely into hell.



Sometimes I do question myself, why do happiness coexist with sadness? Why do pleasure coexist with pain? I mean why do we have to go through all the ups and downs at the same time? Why can't everyone just be happy and problem free? Which brings to why do problems always arise small but the solutions are always difficult to solve?



Was that you called life? I guess so. So to those people who don't gain hardships and torture means they have no life? I don't know. Maybe life means something else or more than just hardships. Up until now no one knows the meaning of life. To be breathing and walking and seeing the people you treasure most, I guess that fits more of the meaning of being alive. Haha.



As optimistic I could get, maybe hardships are the process of living and part of the meaning of life. Maybe the meaning of life is to experience the good and the bad things in this world and have faith with your Creator praying to Him that one day you will be bless by Him in life and hereafter.




I guess you could use that for the meaning of life. Anyways as we all know, we don't live in this world forever. We will die one day. Maybe I could die right after I post this blog no one knows. We don't set the future but we plan it, it's all up to Him to decide.



Am I being religious right now? Well, not really, but deep in my heart, I do have faith.

The next thing I'm going to say is seriously what I want and it's not a joke. I don't want to live more than 34 years.

Why?



I have my reasons.




RedRulz.

Regrets, Confusions, Life...

Even before reading what's coming up next, I got myself confuse reading the text I just wrote below. So to save up your time since WE are dying with every breath we take, don't read it if you think reading about someone's life is boring or maybe because of what I write is nonsense or doesn't make sense but either way just put they little effort by clicking the 'X' button on the top right corner or just press Alt + F4. Sorry for taking your time.


Every time I wanted to write something it always have its way of slipping out of my head. Either I was distracted by someone's blog or just happen to forget about it. Well I guess this time I have something to help me think. This song that is playing in my blog.



As sad I would actually think, the tunes and the lyrics kinda makes me think of my past. It's always been my past. I just love to see it again and recall and analyze it which brings me to this thing I had in mind for quite sometimes and everyone whom can think or maybe don't even need to think knows this word. Regrets.



When I finished my PSLE. I know I couldn't go to the express stream just how my brother did when he scored an aggregate of 209 or 215 something like that. At the time of my PSLE I scored 187. My mum says I was about either 10 - 15 points away to get into the express stream.



When I was in my secondary school I kind of did well in my studies just I sucks at History and Literature so when come to sec 3 I took English, Mathematics, Combine Science (Physics n Chemistry), Mother Tongue, Geography, Principles of Accounts and Art. N level I was suppose to scored 3 1s for my best subjects which was POA, Mathematics and Combine Science. Instead I got 2 for each of them.

Comes the best of the best part of my studies, GCE 'O' Levels. I dropped Geography just because I don't want to see someone in my class not that I didn't have interest in the subject and in the end, I didn't do well in my 'O's. Scored about 21 points but got D7 for English and all my courses I had in mind couldn't be selected so I went to the IT line instead.



Comes to Polytechnics met lots of friends and kinda enjoy a lot and skipping classes and do keep track of our own attendance as there's a limit to the absentees if not your barred from the exams. Well that didn't go through well. Kicked out so that a full stop in my education. Well I thought it was a comma.



NS life came and I got to think all those thing I done in the past.

What if I didn't play Warcraft 2 and Diablo while I was taking my PSLE, would I get a better aggregate?

What if I tried really hard in attaining grade 1 for my sec 1 subjects, would I be better in the express stream in sec 2?

What if I drop all my internet gamings and my so called stupid love life I had in poly times, would I have passed my subjects and be holding a diploma right now and being the only in the family to hold a diploma?

Regrets. People says there's no point in regretting. It can't change the past nor help you along the way how you would lead your life.

So if you don't regret what do you do then? They'll say, lift up your head high and try not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Easier said then done. As much as I would love to see the life that way, that's a dream life.


Most of the people in this would regrets doing that they do. Either what they did benefits them or not. Why? Because only when actions have been made, they would realize then I could have done a better outcome. Now that is being greedy.

Just like betting. After winning a bet that you placed for a dollar because you only have two dollars left in your pocket and you won the bet. In the back of your mind if you're greedy," I should have bet both my dollars and get the prize money doubled!"

Even if it is just a little feeling it's still regret.


Sex. Now that's something very wide and great example. For all those who have gone through it's process, hell yeah it felt good. As simple as it is as a package of a male sexual organ feels in the warmth place of a female sexual organ, sure it felt good and undeniably great but how would you feel when you find out she got someone sleeping in that tummy of hers? Scared? Shocked? Fear? Don't tell my Regret is not one of them?

Sure everyone will say,"Is he stupid? Doesn't he knows to shoot outside not in? What can't afford condoms?" One, stupid maybe yes, in the first place if you have thought of the consequences of that she might get pregnant and willing to take responsibility go ahead if not you're stupid. Two, ejaculation. Hell not everyone born with a remote explosions have you heard of premature ejaculation? Three, condoms. Even with a condom it doesn't give you 100% protections. Possibility of a breakage or maybe yes couldn't afford it.


Now this brings me to these group of people whom I've recently thought of too. Tattoo lover. They just seems to love putting body arts on them self. Sure it looks sexy and kinda manly too but have you thought of the long range? I mean, you won't really have regrets in having a tattoo on you and even when you've age and your skin gets wrinkled and your tattoo actually look wrinkly. I'm not saying they are stupid or what, it's just that I was wondering don't they regret of having such big tattoos and undeniably cool tribal tattoos on their body that when time ages it'll look horrible? For me I guess I would. Haha. A boy full or regrets. (points at myself.)


So what's my point? Well basically in life no one have ever in their every beat of their heart and every air they gasp just to keep themselves alive feel regret of what they do in life. No matter how much you tried to deny it all of us have this regret feeling deep in our hearts.



Just like how I feel every time. Regret. My school. My love life. My family. Myself. But I don't feel depressed at all. I just hope to have a better chance to do over again. If I were even given a chance. As much as I miss that someone, miss school and more importantly, miss having myself right beside me. No this is no ghost joke. It's just a saying that I've been wanting to be in everyone shoes but I forgot which one is mine.



Now after all that, I just feel lost but no matter what, I'm still going to every opportunity I had. I guess it's the only thing that keeps me moving in this world.



So did I regret the life I'm going through now?

As a matter of fact, yes, but there's always a reason why it happen right? Just think of this, God works in His own mysterious way for us to reveal it slowly but after knowing the truth, yes regrets may arrive but no matter what have installed for us, just keep on moving forward. Maybe that dream life of ours could be waiting. Or we've already achieved it without knowing it.



RedRulz.