Denial..

I know it's late
And I know it's true
No matter what's the date,
I'm still in love with you.
Listening to our song
Our sweet memories flows within my brain.
Now realizing that you are gone,
The only thing my heart fills is pain.
Not knowing what to do with my life
And I know it's nothing new.
The next thing I'm saying to you is not a lie,
I miss you and still want to be with you.

Only God Knows.. I'm Living In Denial.. -RedRulz(10/05/2005 04.12am)

That was really me and my composing. I compose them and it was seriously three years ago. Ririn and SheildLeo knows about this or maybe they have forgotten them. Pretty much I am a confuse person. Sometimes I want things to go my way and sometimes I just go with the flow. I believe I'm like the wind. Unpredictable. It comes and go. (it comes and go) Sounds like something that I experience a lot.





Some beginning I had. For the year of 2008. Seems to me someone or I myself is trying to break the barrier I had kept for a full year. I guess I'm weak or I just choose to go with the flow knowing I might be hurt or get disappointed at or the worst of all, I put my friends behind, my closest friend.





What am I talking about? The 'L' word. No not the lesbian show. It's love. Pretty much I know what it's like to be love and what it's like to have someone to love and give it to. Or maybe I thought I knew. Maybe I need to buy 'Love guide for Dummies'. Haha. That will be the first thing I need to get for this year. That will so be embarrassing.






Either way I just don't feel ready or maybe I'm just confuse. I don't like things to go bad or it'll just go away like it never happens. I also want my friends to be around me. I don't want them to stray me. Yes lots of things will be different and yes, you could pile them up for our end year Hall Of SHAME. Now that will be a good laugh again at Coffee Bean Boat Quay.






Argh.. This is so killing me. I hate this feeling. I want it but I don't want it. I want to have it but I want all of it. I just don't want to end it once it's start. Gosh I'm so confuse. Someone please just put me to sleep so I won't wake up. At least for three months. Why three? One for family, one for my friends, one for the myself. These three are something I hold so dear.






What's my weakness? Great Smile, coolness, funny, mysterious, great voice, nice scent, presentable. Hell, what am I talking about? Denial denial denial. Why can't I just seems to accept the way things are? Why can't other see that this is troubling me mind? Why do people like to play other people's feelings? Argh!! Sometimes I wish I'm born blind so I don't have to like anyone I see. Sometimes I wish I've never been born at all.







I don't know where this is going to lead me. Seems I just can't get my head right. The choices still yet to be made and I could choose just let both go and keep them in a safe place where I won't be hurt. After a bad experience of losing someone to someone I can't even compared to is really hurting and I've never felt so down in my whole entire 21 years of my life. The scar was so big it's hard to forget.






Listening to this song currently in my blog some how give me the spirit to move on. I am not alone. Think of it, there are others shared the same fate or maybe worst but I hope they are luckier then me because my life is already as bad as it is. Only I've been putting a smile in every walks of my life hiding my sadness and problems.






I guess that's the best part of being a Gemini. We are good pretenders and actors. We care too much of others but we don't care for ourselves. We can't make good decision but we sure make hell out of it. We are great listeners but sometimes we just can't say the right words and sometimes we give bad advice.







I don't know. Maybe I'm just one of the bad Geminis being born. But one thing is for sure.

Life could be better if things are easy for us
but
if things are easy, what does your life means to you?

RedRulz - (02/01/2008 11.35am)

RedRulz.