Hurts.. Take Me Away..

Have you guys ever thinks that sometimes noticing some thing that is so peculiar keeps popping out right in front of you suppose to mean something? Like a favorite song of yours keeps playing on the radio on three different stations that you happen to change on different timings that they happen to play your song, do you ever feels that it means something?



I know I feel it all the time. That the things that happening around me suppose to be a message that is telling me that either it's good or bad. For an example, if I ever to listen to the radio and every time I hear "Don't Speak" by No Doubt is being played on the air, means I'm going to have a sad week or month as either relationships going bad or sad memories will be remembered.



If I were in the bus and I noticed that only a handful of guys in the bus and lots of ladies in the bus means that I'm going to have one of a hectic day and if it's the opposite instead it's going the best day ever.



I know it's kinda weird but it is true that I do notice these kind of things almost every time. It would never be like if I were to wear red color means it's my lucky day if I wear black I'm going to be unfortunate.



Anyways that's not the point of why suddenly I decided to update this fast within a week. It's more of a heart matter and funny that it still hurts reminiscing of my past love.


Been over two years and remembering it just kills me. Either because the love still exist within me or I just feel like I would love to try for another go. I told my friend that I still remember that moment and seriously it was the best. Nope. Not the sexual way because it was more, innocent. Yes I would define it as a decent and innocent relationship as we've never even touch each other.



Was something that feels so pure that good? I don't know. It's almost as if like you feel respected that I will wait for the right moment to happen kind of thing but sadly it didn't happen. Lucky or unlucky? Either thoughts, no one's loss but just sad it didn't go as far as I would had expected.



Earlier I watch this malay movie titled "Suara Kasih" I think. Acted by Fauziah Ahmad Daud, and my sister and her husband says that it was a true story of her with her first love.



It was really sad having to lose someone just because of the 'ranking' factor because of family wealth involve. I totally hate that kind of person who look down on someone who's no one special but just normal people without having to know the person well. Hell do that think that they are special because they have wealth? Sure it's good to have them but love and money doesn't suits each other.



I really feel sad watching that story. Good thing I wasn't alone while I was watching it. If I did, I can bet you I'll be needing a pillow and lots of tissue papers. Haha. (emo bastard, can't help it.) Not only because I'm emotional, I did lost someone whom I can't even compete with. Nope not ranking, this is more of a religious side. Well I moved on from that.



Anyways I just don't know why I feel very hurt after watching that. Was it because I felt her pain or was it because the pain was remembered? Yes and this time I'll say it but I won't do it. I would love to go to a high place right now and just jump down freely into hell.



Sometimes I do question myself, why do happiness coexist with sadness? Why do pleasure coexist with pain? I mean why do we have to go through all the ups and downs at the same time? Why can't everyone just be happy and problem free? Which brings to why do problems always arise small but the solutions are always difficult to solve?



Was that you called life? I guess so. So to those people who don't gain hardships and torture means they have no life? I don't know. Maybe life means something else or more than just hardships. Up until now no one knows the meaning of life. To be breathing and walking and seeing the people you treasure most, I guess that fits more of the meaning of being alive. Haha.



As optimistic I could get, maybe hardships are the process of living and part of the meaning of life. Maybe the meaning of life is to experience the good and the bad things in this world and have faith with your Creator praying to Him that one day you will be bless by Him in life and hereafter.




I guess you could use that for the meaning of life. Anyways as we all know, we don't live in this world forever. We will die one day. Maybe I could die right after I post this blog no one knows. We don't set the future but we plan it, it's all up to Him to decide.



Am I being religious right now? Well, not really, but deep in my heart, I do have faith.

The next thing I'm going to say is seriously what I want and it's not a joke. I don't want to live more than 34 years.

Why?



I have my reasons.




RedRulz.