Regrets, Confusions, Life...

Even before reading what's coming up next, I got myself confuse reading the text I just wrote below. So to save up your time since WE are dying with every breath we take, don't read it if you think reading about someone's life is boring or maybe because of what I write is nonsense or doesn't make sense but either way just put they little effort by clicking the 'X' button on the top right corner or just press Alt + F4. Sorry for taking your time.


Every time I wanted to write something it always have its way of slipping out of my head. Either I was distracted by someone's blog or just happen to forget about it. Well I guess this time I have something to help me think. This song that is playing in my blog.



As sad I would actually think, the tunes and the lyrics kinda makes me think of my past. It's always been my past. I just love to see it again and recall and analyze it which brings me to this thing I had in mind for quite sometimes and everyone whom can think or maybe don't even need to think knows this word. Regrets.



When I finished my PSLE. I know I couldn't go to the express stream just how my brother did when he scored an aggregate of 209 or 215 something like that. At the time of my PSLE I scored 187. My mum says I was about either 10 - 15 points away to get into the express stream.



When I was in my secondary school I kind of did well in my studies just I sucks at History and Literature so when come to sec 3 I took English, Mathematics, Combine Science (Physics n Chemistry), Mother Tongue, Geography, Principles of Accounts and Art. N level I was suppose to scored 3 1s for my best subjects which was POA, Mathematics and Combine Science. Instead I got 2 for each of them.

Comes the best of the best part of my studies, GCE 'O' Levels. I dropped Geography just because I don't want to see someone in my class not that I didn't have interest in the subject and in the end, I didn't do well in my 'O's. Scored about 21 points but got D7 for English and all my courses I had in mind couldn't be selected so I went to the IT line instead.



Comes to Polytechnics met lots of friends and kinda enjoy a lot and skipping classes and do keep track of our own attendance as there's a limit to the absentees if not your barred from the exams. Well that didn't go through well. Kicked out so that a full stop in my education. Well I thought it was a comma.



NS life came and I got to think all those thing I done in the past.

What if I didn't play Warcraft 2 and Diablo while I was taking my PSLE, would I get a better aggregate?

What if I tried really hard in attaining grade 1 for my sec 1 subjects, would I be better in the express stream in sec 2?

What if I drop all my internet gamings and my so called stupid love life I had in poly times, would I have passed my subjects and be holding a diploma right now and being the only in the family to hold a diploma?

Regrets. People says there's no point in regretting. It can't change the past nor help you along the way how you would lead your life.

So if you don't regret what do you do then? They'll say, lift up your head high and try not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Easier said then done. As much as I would love to see the life that way, that's a dream life.


Most of the people in this would regrets doing that they do. Either what they did benefits them or not. Why? Because only when actions have been made, they would realize then I could have done a better outcome. Now that is being greedy.

Just like betting. After winning a bet that you placed for a dollar because you only have two dollars left in your pocket and you won the bet. In the back of your mind if you're greedy," I should have bet both my dollars and get the prize money doubled!"

Even if it is just a little feeling it's still regret.


Sex. Now that's something very wide and great example. For all those who have gone through it's process, hell yeah it felt good. As simple as it is as a package of a male sexual organ feels in the warmth place of a female sexual organ, sure it felt good and undeniably great but how would you feel when you find out she got someone sleeping in that tummy of hers? Scared? Shocked? Fear? Don't tell my Regret is not one of them?

Sure everyone will say,"Is he stupid? Doesn't he knows to shoot outside not in? What can't afford condoms?" One, stupid maybe yes, in the first place if you have thought of the consequences of that she might get pregnant and willing to take responsibility go ahead if not you're stupid. Two, ejaculation. Hell not everyone born with a remote explosions have you heard of premature ejaculation? Three, condoms. Even with a condom it doesn't give you 100% protections. Possibility of a breakage or maybe yes couldn't afford it.


Now this brings me to these group of people whom I've recently thought of too. Tattoo lover. They just seems to love putting body arts on them self. Sure it looks sexy and kinda manly too but have you thought of the long range? I mean, you won't really have regrets in having a tattoo on you and even when you've age and your skin gets wrinkled and your tattoo actually look wrinkly. I'm not saying they are stupid or what, it's just that I was wondering don't they regret of having such big tattoos and undeniably cool tribal tattoos on their body that when time ages it'll look horrible? For me I guess I would. Haha. A boy full or regrets. (points at myself.)


So what's my point? Well basically in life no one have ever in their every beat of their heart and every air they gasp just to keep themselves alive feel regret of what they do in life. No matter how much you tried to deny it all of us have this regret feeling deep in our hearts.



Just like how I feel every time. Regret. My school. My love life. My family. Myself. But I don't feel depressed at all. I just hope to have a better chance to do over again. If I were even given a chance. As much as I miss that someone, miss school and more importantly, miss having myself right beside me. No this is no ghost joke. It's just a saying that I've been wanting to be in everyone shoes but I forgot which one is mine.



Now after all that, I just feel lost but no matter what, I'm still going to every opportunity I had. I guess it's the only thing that keeps me moving in this world.



So did I regret the life I'm going through now?

As a matter of fact, yes, but there's always a reason why it happen right? Just think of this, God works in His own mysterious way for us to reveal it slowly but after knowing the truth, yes regrets may arrive but no matter what have installed for us, just keep on moving forward. Maybe that dream life of ours could be waiting. Or we've already achieved it without knowing it.



RedRulz.